eh?

.so many lines left unsaid

2010-08-29T17:59:00.000+08:00

i can't help feeling awkward,
i can't stop thinking,
i can't pretend nothing's wrong,
i can't speak up for myself,
i don't know what's wrong, but it is not right either.

~ignore me as i pass you by unnoticed

break me and drive me insane

2010-06-06T17:50:00.000+08:00

i don't know what, but something seems to be wrong somewhere.
people i've known before seem to be really far away,
&i just don't even feel them anymore.
even with the closest ones, i'm not sure.
maybe they are just pretending.
&everything that i ever wanted seems pointless these days.
after everything i go through i could see.
that i wasn't the right one in the first place.
void of feelings.
everything was my fault in the first place.
not being there for them when i was suppose to.
was always my fault.
all i'm asking for is someone to save me.
or i'll just save myself from hurting them in any way.

~do they notice that i'm forgotten?

.in a moment of truth, this words fall on deaf ears

2010-05-16T22:45:00.000+08:00

yes!
its been quite a while since i typed anything in here.
nothing really much to update.
i kinda miss brunei &i'm not sure why.

oh wells.
everything's going on fine.
the only thing is i find myself lacking sleep.
extremely tired but still working my ass off so as to not disappoint anybody.
just wanna get everything through fast until the 15 of june.
this is taking a toll on me.
i can't seem to absorb anymore damaged done.
losing my very own support from all sides.
&i dunno who's who anymore.

sometimes people really make impact of who you turn out to be,
when actually its a matter of choices you make.
even the person you thought cared was just pretending for the sake of pity.
it just goes to show how pathetic i am.
am i the one who has not changed,
or have i changed too much to the point beyond my own recognition?

~lead by false pretenses

.say hello to the clock counting down the seconds

2010-04-07T23:59:00.000+08:00

by the time you read this post,
i already on my way to Brunei.
ohwells,
not that excited to go but kinda nervous.
i guess the one week break was just to short.
i wish could be dragged longer before i fly.
at the very least i get to spend time with my family.
also get to meet up and hang out with amalina, ridaudin &khai(though it was unplanned).
&here i wonder where did my bestfriend go?
she just too busy and i cant seem to catch up with her anymore.
and i cant keep on waiting for her.
i leave it to how she decide it to be.
things revolving around her seem to be more important now,
than things that is going on outside.
never mind about that.
im gonna miss all the april birthdays due to this trip.
including my mum's &sister's.
so sorry that i can't be there to celebrate.
well,
nothing much for me to say.
&its kinda pointless.
who care to read this shit nowadays.

to all the upcoming april birthday babies.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to YOU!

~speaking for the sake of concern

.painted glass with no love

2010-03-07T18:45:00.000+08:00

well, im kinda running out of time to update.
short post will do i suppose.
i promise i'll update a proper one.
lotsa stuff to tell no time to spare.
&it has been quite a while since i see those people called friends.
& me not being here is indeed pulling me away from everything i know.
give me a sign to show that you care.
& don't be there just because you have to,
be there because you really want to.
& don't say the thing you say just for the sake of it,
say it because you mean it.
my message for you guys are i really want to be there with you,
i can't express myself but i miss you.
like how it was written in somewhere i know,
'don't wait, come over'

~we're all lost and begging to be found.

.live fast die young

2010-02-16T18:00:00.000+08:00

this week proves to be the most chaotic week of all.
it was suppose to be a very long weekend for me,
well it wasnt that long after all.
and i actually had plans to ask her &my friends out.
but unexpected things do happen.
cant really explain anything.

everything was going well for the engagement that fall on valentines day.
got to see some faces that i havent seen for quite a while.
smiles and laughters carved on everybody face.
looked at old photo albums.
reminding uncles, aunties about their childhood times.
believe me it almost felt like hari raya.
it all went well till we received the news that we lost a family member the very next morning.
shocked but i was quite void for any feelings.
im not sure of what to feel, but for sure i felt sad.

well, for us that still have our love ones.
lets treasure them and remember the greatest thig they have done for us.
for once they are gone, they no way of turning back things,
no room left for regrets.

~failed to see the tragic

.time is running out

2010-01-31T17:35:00.000+08:00

ugh~
i seriously hate how thing are going on right now.
and i really tired from trainings.
hectic schedule.
and when its weekends i find it harder to manage my time.
everyone's like trying to book me for something.
this is indeed getting harder.

i do miss my friends, her and my family of course.
but i only have one day every week to satisfy everyone.
and i can't even find time to make time for myself.
well i do hope i could control time or something.
maybe it will make thing better,
maybe by a little bit?

well,
i seriously shagged out this week.
and that fucking accident should have at least cost me to break some bones,
unfortunately, i didn't.
not that i'm looking forward to it.
but it was really unbelievable.
hahs.
at the very least i went home with muscle cramps on my legs,
due to lots of running &sprinting.
as sadistic as it may sound,
i kinda like the feeling.
the pain sensation, nothing beats that.
i don't know why, i just love pain..
well, getting ready for another week in camp.
see you in a heartbeat.

~in the end it hurts just as bad

.bitter revenge, sweet tragedy

2010-01-24T18:30:00.002+08:00

lost for who you were,
depressed for what he changed you into,
commitments taking everything away from you,
can't help it but blame yourself in the end.

sometimes its okay to look into something so deep,
that you'll finally realized/assumed that someone you were was not who you are.
in the end, what matter most is you are who you claim to be.
i'm not sure of what i wanna say or trying to say.
for sure i'm ending it here.

"&bear patiently young heart,
for you've seen heavier things.
when fate tears you apart, i will mend you at the seams.
and as for fate, i'm sure that no one can escape it"

~are you hanging on?

.head start to exit

2010-01-23T23:50:00.001+08:00

ugh~
i really need a fresh dose of music!
new materials or rather something unique to listen to please. . ?

uh, okay..
well, im not sure why but my life seems to be turning the other way round.
i don't know whether its for the best or not.
&i've been so busy i never got to meet my friends.
as how i would say it, commitments robs you of your time.
what can i say?
nah, not gonna tell any army stories.
instead let just leave it to the pictures to do the talking.
adios!

~painting my tragedy, singing my tragedy

.i can't stand it facing this alone

2009-12-27T21:45:00.001+08:00

finally,
its all set and done.
took me months just to finish it up.
yet still some bugs not fixed yet.
will get to it real soon.

okay, its been quite a while since i updated.
im fine i guess.
training's fun, funny, tiring.
&accompanied by a few bruises, cuts and lots more.
well, that's all okay.
but i guess not for everything/everyone around me.
i don't know, maybe its just me.
so many things change,
people get colder, maybe frozen.
i've seen how love destroy people, changing them to something/someone they are not.
i've seen how love shatters bonds between friends, who were once close, into strangers.
&the best part of it is, i can do nothing to help them.
or maybe it was my fault?
i wasn't there to listen ,at least at the point when they really need someone to.
i'm not sure anymore.
lost for words, i'm ending it here tonight.

~physical &painful to be so vulnerable

.taking back, overdone

2009-09-21T14:58:00.003+08:00

err?
selamat hari raya to everybody?
well, im in currently no mood for raya celebrations.
and it didnt really felt like ramadan for the last 29 days.
not sure why but could be because i was busy with training in camp.
still no worries, i managed to survive through those tough moments without breaking my fast.
no case of heat exhaustion or such anymore.

oh yes,
well, raya didn't turn out like how i hoped it to be.
was seriously okay until the taxi issue and 'he' blew it up.
how i wished i had a driving license and my own car.
all i wanted was to celebrate raya as a family.
thanks for making my day.
well, the day was so not raya mood.
or maybe its just me.
it didn't get any better after that,
except for the food.
didn't take alot of pictures like how i plan to.
well, its the only day i have but yeah i had fun i guess.
&i have nothing else to look forward to this syawal.
might not have the chance to raya with friends &her.
oh wells,
booking in back in a few hours time.
take care people,
i miss you guys.
&yeah,
SELAMAT HARI RAYA,
MAAF ZAHIR BATIN.

~there has always been two very different things

a'an

.gone for national service

2009-07-10T00:05:00.006+08:00

Update will be posted below.

a'an

.i can't believe anymore

2009-07-10T00:01:00.002+08:00

and its finally time.
im not gonna say goodbye because i know i will come back.
as a ghost or a human being i will come back.
haha.
im gonna miss alot of things like mum's cooking, teasing my siblings, hanging out with friends, listening to music 24/7 &alot more.
i guess i have done packing my stuffs and all.
mentally prepared but physically not.
ah~ its gonna be just like another npcc camp except its tougher and gonna rip me half of my life.
i'll try to tweet on whats going on during my national service,
so do check back here often alright?
thanks for all the well wishes.
i'll miss you all if you miss me back!
haha
joking~
gonna miss you guys so badly!
don't forget me while im away

~remember the day that they took me from you

with love,
a'an

.i leave my life in their hands

2009-07-08T23:10:00.000+08:00

2 days before im enlisted for national service.
starting to feel the pressure around me.
but im glad to know that i have the nicest friends in the whole wide world,
taking their time off their hectic schedule just to meet up with me.
although it was just merely a chat session with them,
i guess i did feel content with what i have for the moment.
thanks to eos, sukfen, firdaus, andrea &hisham for being there!

that was the first part of the day.
went to meet with ridaudin, aidillah &syhella later on after that.
rahimi pop out from nowhere &join us too.
the plan was to play soccer but i didnt bring the soccer ball so we played card games.
laughed alot, joke alot &other things alot.
but its still fun.

i don't know whats wrong.
but im feeling as though something is missing throughout the whole day.
im not sure what &im not gonna question myself.
all i want to say is thank you guys!
for all that you guys had plan/came out for today.
appreciate it much!

~the clocks are ticking fast with every breathe

a'an

.a formal apology

2009-07-04T23:00:00.001+08:00

hello!
&well things are surprisingly quiet,
just they way like i expect it to be.
oh wells,
i have been quite selfish lately,
decided to play villain in my own game,
i purposely ignored, avoided, (&another 'ed' word i can't think of) them.
and there were no heroes to save the day!
those people who knew what i was doing were against me.
they said i was bad and i shouldn't do that to them.
i didn't think so until yesterday's friday prayers.
it seriously made me think so hard about what i was doing.
it was double the thinking as i was thinking about alot of things i could think of.
it seriously made me realised that it made me no better than them.
i'm hurting the people that i love so much.
wasting all the good times just because of a misunderstanding &other selfish bastards that don't care.
why jeopardize this relationship that we build up so strong?
that's what i thought.
&i rather live with the pain of waking up thinking of them not being there,
than hurt them with what i'm doing right now.
at least i still know i have them in my hearts.
people change and they have their own lives.
i was blindly following my heart but here i am,
i'm ending this right now,
i don't wanna be the architect of my own destruction,
i don't wanna leave with the guilt of hurting the ones that i love,
&i know i can't try a new life without them in my life.
i am really sorry for what i've done.
i know it hurt you like how i was badly hurt.
i hope i managed to explain myself.
this national service thing has made me lose myself.
simply put it this way,
no one understand how a person leaving for national service feels like.
you're like leaving 3/4 of your life behind,
&its really not a simple thing to do.
i am really sorry once again.
if you're interested to know when im leaving do ask.
i will love and always have all of you in my heart.
thanks for all the pain, love &everything you have installed for me.
taking cares~

~if i treated you with what you deserve, then maybe i would not be hurt.

a'an

.searching for somewhere to exist

2009-06-23T22:50:00.004+08:00

i am so pissed off &really feeling like a volcano ready to erupt.
am i asking too much for just a day?!
a day to spend time together, catch up on what we all missed.
i dont need an outing.
i just need a day to just hangout with all of you,
catch a movie, play some sports, or maybe have dinner together,
with the people whom i call friends, juniors, whatever you are to me.
you guys were almost like my 2nd family.
a place where at least i feel a sense of belonging.
am i trying too hard just to put back pieces of us back together?!

sometimes i just cant stop feeling stupid for all the wrong reasons.
ive been looking forward for this outing,
it is like the only chance for us to at least get around together after a long time.
i purposely chose to work on saturday for the outing to be postpone,
so that those who cant make it,
especialy those having camp, sick, or whatever shit could at least make it the next time round.
i even canceled plans to accompany my sick grandmother to the polyclinic,
just to make it for the meeting for the outing today.
just to help them plan and confirm the plans.
&the meeting was canceled due to poor attendance.
&when they were told to call off the whole thing,
it was just an 'okay'.
so what now you're telling me i wanted to call it off so you did?
are you even serious about this?
no one was ever interested &once again i repeat no one!
&yet why am i trying so damn hard just to make this happen?!
why do i care so much to fix things up?!
why do i keep on waiting for a miracle to shine upon us &make all things right again?!
why?!

&is everything written down in here another joke?
another one that you can make fun off.
i am starting to feel that maybe what we had all this while was fake.
& i can't believe i even trusted all of you with a piece of my heart,
just to know it got tossed around in the end.
i was abandon at the moment where i needed all of you the most.

or maybe its just me.
i'm taking it too seriously.
everybody got their own life.
i don't own them.
everybody's moving forward,
new friends, new school, new life,
&i'm stuck here hoping to keep everything the way as they were how i saw it.
i should have kept everything professional,
do what i had to &leave after my job was done as i was told to.
it was my fault i got too emotional attached to those i knew while i was at it.
same goes for my secondary school life.
study throughout the 4 years and not make any close friendship ties with anyone.
just normal friends will do i suppose.
even now i wondered,
did i even have a best-friend in the first place?

well its too late for regrets now.
all i can hope now is at least to be hit with something really hard,
wake up with amnesia not remembering everything i know.
all i need to know is just my name.
no need to remember what things i can do or something like that.
i can't seem to swallow it down anymore.
i'm thinking too much.
its better i focus on serving the nation as my days as a civilian are numbered,
&i won't be having it back for quite sometime.
the least i can do is workout to keep fit and stop myself from thinking about them,
for just once in my life.
not gonna waste my time and its simply not worth it.
i'm moving forward &giving up.
remember, i love you.

~the only thing that's going to bother me, is that you all call yourselves my friends

a'an

.turn it up just to tune you out

2009-06-23T22:00:00.003+08:00

So tell me what's the point of taking you on?
It's safe to say that you are everything I'm not.
Our situation leaves me bruised and broken,
But old temptations keep on sucking me in
You're my medication, my spark to creation,
My sole inspiration for the obvious reasons.
The reason why I can't hold back any longer
You're a monster, you're a monster.

I know, I know this time I'll make it on my own so here I go.
Wanna search for something more, something else worth fighting for.
I know, I know this time I'll make it on my own so here I go
Wanna search for something so much more, something else worth fighting for

You know, you know you've got a hold on me.
You're wrapped around my world so inconspicuously.
This situation's left me bruised and broken,
Bound by the upperhand, over and over again.
So pardon me for this interjection,
Your intention of deception is the last thing that I need.
In fact, it's killing me, it's killing me

.no action, just consumer satisfaction

2009-06-15T23:25:00.005+08:00

well it seems like i got involve in gigs lately.
helping ridaudin out in recording videos of performances,
while he snap some photos of the band performing.
obviously we were there supporting our friends band.
went to support zaki's band on the 6th of june,
he's ridaudin classmate which i recently got to know about.
so technically he's my friend too.
i was lucky to catch his band performance as i finish work quite late.
thanks to the catering for asking us to open up all the decoration.
but well it was worth rushing.
the band was awesome!
from their very own originals to cover songs from bands like the classic crime &mayday parade.
they were definitely great at what they are doing.
oh &they are called lost perfection.
checkout their myspace!

and the latest one was yesterday.
this time round its alfian's band called evola.
i skipped work &ignore the pain &tiredness from work the day before,
just to catch them live.
&plus it would be their bassist last performance as he had to serve the national service.
so its a must to see them.
so, they did covers from band like,
myChemicalRomance, redJumpsuitApparatus, storyOfTheYear,pugJelly &lastDayOut!
they were definitely awesome!
doing something really different.
a local band covering another local band's song.
how often do you hear this happening in singapore?
well, i dont think they have a myspace account.
but if they do i'll keep u posted!
check out both band performances on youtube.
videos are posted on ridaudin's channel.

ah~!
they simply inspire me to play music.
they show how commitment, passion, teamwork brought them to where they are now.
ego's aside with no greed for fame, not giving excuses &brave to try something new.
no one is trying to steal the limelight,
&everyone get a fair share to show what they got as a band.
i wish my story in music was like that.
bands that ive been in never seem to work out.
there's always something going wrong or maybe someone with no correct definition of music.
im in desperate need for a band.

~&i'm on the wrong side.

a'an

.as the weather shed its worst rain

2009-06-01T23:18:00.003+08:00

oh hello!
&its seems like im the only one counting the days left for me to live my life*.
the others are enjoying their life to its full extent,
while im stuck here thinking bout the things i wished i had done.

yeah, your right.
ive been enlisted to the national service.
under army 3rd battalion, singapore guards.
&its really depressing hearing people say,
'dude!you're so gonna die!', 'thats it for you!'
well i guess thats their well* wishes for me.
they hope for me to suffer and die during national service.
i feel so blessed* having these people around me.
well at least im doing something for the nation.
not like people who just want things the easy way.
ugh~
i dont want to get started.

oh wells,
time is ticking down fast.
& i cant help feeling down.
plans not going the way they are.
&i have a list of events that never happen!
it really disappointing thinking it back over and over.
the ep that i look forward recording with the band never got started.
the reunion/outing with the old guys/ex-seniors.
i cant take it.
when allies turns into enemies &no ones trying to make it right again.
tell me how is it gonna happen?
same goes for the npcc fancy drill outing.
its all basically nothing.
&so it goes for my plans to get an electric drumset before going into ns.
a person like me cant even afford a drum stick!
im getting tired of putting my hopes up high.
tired hoping for a miracle that it would happen.
HAHAHAHA!

i suppose its better to drop it.
it was just not meant to be if i put it that way.
these people are just too busy,
to busy with their work, school, whatever else they are doing,
until they forget to look at themselves,
they forget thinking what they are leaving behind to fade,
they forget to notice what is happening among their friends,
&they forget how it feels to leave behind something you cherish so much.
but i have no right to blame them.
i understand their situation.
not like me who is so free,
wasting time while other need it so badly.
&its best if i just leave quietly.
believe me,
no one will notice me being gone after this.
im just another memory being scraped off each and everyone of their brains.
&one day when im there waving saying hi to them,
they will say 'do i even know you?'
it ends here and here only.
pretend i didnt write anything.

~you could never turn back all the clocks to take back what you did to me.

a'an

.that's what they get

2009-05-24T23:04:00.000+08:00

oh hello again~!
updates as usual,
got invited by rid for a night race on saturday organized by 4pm.
i cant actually describe what i really feel.
but the whole thing was a lot of fun.
its a night race for the first time in my life!
well my team was awesome!
there was rid(leader), khai, ayim, zaki, fiqa, dayah, maiss, joven, &albert!
&not forgetting our facilitator, suria!
they were the best bunch of people you can be with running in the middle of the night.
&as you can expect from me,
im the only one who is not loud in the group.
it feels awkward to be wacky with people you just know for a few hours.
i could if i want to,
but i prefer to be laid back and keep to myself most of the time.
im just being myself.
not that i felt left out or anything.
so dont get me wrong!
back to the topic,
the whole night was filled with fun and laughter.
was pretty much slack.
not really competitive &we thought we were the last group.
but the aim is to have fun.
&i guess we did.
but to our surprise we were not the last group.
all i wished that it didnt have to end.
i was just getting to know these people.
but oh wells,
it was an experience i would never forget especially with the old guys and a few new friends.

~so sit and wait, and lose all we've ever hoped.

a'an

.why won't you try?

2009-05-18T23:05:00.000+08:00

you left me disappointed again.
you never look to solve things in a different way,
venting your anger seems to be the only solution.
who are we,
&what are they?
you are never proud of the things we done,
no matter how big it was,
it was nothing through your eyes.
i wonder why i wanted to prove you wrong in the first place?
do you even see,
that you want things in your own way?
forcing it down to us,
even if we didnt want them.
forcing things to be in the way you see it.
i was wrong to think that you have change.
your still that same unreasonable person i thought i once knew.
is this what you are?
i wished i was a different person in your eyes.
not a failure, not a person with nothing great to achieve.
at least look at me as a son.
thanks for making me feel this way.
i wont hate you for this.

~i wont be silenced this time.

a'an

.these are the lies that i've created

2009-05-14T23:14:00.009+08:00

graduation day.
events like this happens way too fast everytime.
and its such waste that the rest couldnt make it.
oh wells,
took my Nitec certificate today &award the day before.
i totally didn't knew i got an award for academic excellence.
my class advisor just told me i got an award.
receive a certificate of award in recognition of academic excellence &a medal.
oh &i finally delivered my speech today.
after so many editing, new drafts &the shit i had to go through.
you dont even know how it was.
teachers expecting me to be dramatic?
NO!
its just simply not me.
haha~
so i really felt tense up the moment i step into stage.
imagine the whole room being so damn quiet &the crowd staring unbelievably.
and i dont even know what i was doing.
basically it was like someone having control over you.
i guess i did stutter and went a little bit fast did i?
they did say it was okay so it is fine i guess.

so this is simply it.
every beginning has an ending.
& it would be unlikely to see these people again :( .
my classmates,
they made a huge difference in my life.
no matter how different in terms of attitude and all,
they were still the best people to be around with.
&im gonna miss them for sure.
not forgetting my class advisor,
mr christopher ong,
who is always there to extend a helping hand to us.
i guess he is just the reason why all of us achieve something to be proud of in the end of the day.
a sense of regret i didnt make full use of the time i had.
oh wells,
lets just move on to the pictures.
dont mind me for not smiling that much.
you'll understand how it feels letting go something you cherish so much.

personal favourite, the apprentice LOL!

~and all things will end

a'an

.where i can't be heard

2009-04-22T22:35:00.002+08:00

woke up yesterday with a hurricane like weather.
lucky enough for me it wasn't the end of the world.
i still got unfinished business here.
i wanna do something big,
something different,
something beyond what i can do.
oh wells,
im nowhere near there now.

&it sucks being sick.
my condition turns out to be worst than yesterday.
feel so weak dragging my body around.
fever is burning my body, the sun is killing me &i can hardly breathe.
and i cant seem to turn my system off at night.
this sickness is taking over me.

sorry to illah &the guys yesterday.
i really wished that i could join them for bowling.
but i cant take it.
i felt so overheated and it was getting late.
&the orange or was it mango juice, had an effect on me.
besides i told my my mum that i would go after passing her gift.
i didn't expect to hang around for a while.
it nice seeing these people after a long time.
but oh wells.
its looks like i don't have much time with these people,
but this small gathering kinda makes it worth while.
i've got much to say but i left with just saying,
'happy birthday um. .' *&turns*
but i hope they had fun.
totally regret that i cant join them.
oh wells.

~drifting away or did i do something wrong?

my 100th post(yet who reads this shit?)
a'an

ps: thanks for the cardigan with the hood.

.and all the things that caught our eyes

2009-04-18T22:45:00.000+08:00

went for Npcc Annual Parade 2009.
got 4 free tickets 2 each from firdaus and eos.
thank you very much guys.
appreciate it much.
almost everybody i asked couldnt make it.
lucky enough i have 2 beautiful ladies to accompany me.
eventhough they were tired,
they were kind enough to tag along.
but one ticket went to waste.
oh wells.
parade was awesome.
as usual some of them fainted,
but they did their best.
and it was understandable.
so damn hot.
some of the performances were kinda cute.
absolutely no comment for the fancy drill.
all of this reminds me of the npcc times.
talking about it,
i seriously miss all of them,
from my squad to those under me or friends i made in np.
those were the times.
i wish i can have them back but its time to move on.
i'll post the pictures once its uploaded.
do tc!

~it'll never be the same again.

a'an

.Oh oh it's tragic

2009-04-05T22:37:00.002+08:00

I have alot in my mind,
and i dont know how to get through myself anymore.
i got my results last friday.
and i still maintain a 4 point.
but its something not to be proud of.
its no use for now i guess.
ohyeah& birthdays are attacking really soon.
and i still don't have a job.
which means i got no money!
i'll figure something out.

&i almost forgot,
THANK YOU EOS!=D

~so once again i will begin to spill the thoughts i have within.

a'an

.a wary heart and trembling hands

2009-03-26T22:35:00.000+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee~
oh wells,
i admit that i haven't been myself lately,
not quite sure myself.
i feel so lost and im like drifting away from the world i know.
and everything is just not fair.
i miss my schooling life,
or at least being involve in school events or something of that sort.
i need a job at least for now but kept getting rejected because of my ns status.
i feel so alone and now my head is bowed in shame again.

~it's something that you can't hold onto

a'an

.it's just another game of fetch

2009-03-16T22:55:00.000+08:00

hello eeeEEEeee~
feeling so fucked up.
everything around is just another promise in a lie.
im really holding everything inside me.
and when was the last time you ever felt stupid after helping a friend?
and is the whole wide world suppose to be down when you're feeling down?
is everybody suppose to feel the pain that you're feeling right now?
i think its time to grow up dude.

~the poison all mixed up in my head

a'an

.a suspicious feel that i was just a card

2009-03-08T23:15:00.000+08:00

hello eeeEEEeee~
oh wells,
im currently having one of my worst breakdown ever.
exams just around the corner,
and i still got alot to study.
everything is just going too fast,
i dont know what hit me.
work was fine yesterday.
and it indeed bring up alot of the old memories.
especially for acap.
oh wells those were the time.
quick updates!
im currently on twitter.
i try to update always,
so that anyone who cares can check it out at my side bar.
speech day,
rejected, uninvited.
i cant find myself able to be disappointed any further.
and please dont get me wrong,
i have not forget anyone or anything.
i giving in to what they want.
and now im stepping away,
because i just dont belong there.
im not the best,
and i will never be the best.
im just another card that they play in their game.
still love and miss you guys.
i'll be there when any of you need me.

~from something to something else then straight to nothing.

a'an

.an object of no desire

2009-02-25T23:15:00.002+08:00

hello eeeEEEeee~
lets see,
28 feb 2009 evola's gig.
anybody to join me?
or am i not going?
by the way,
exams just ard the corner and im not even studying~!
haha.
instead im busy playing ps1 final fantasy 7 on my psp.
its the continuation from final fantasy 7 crisis core.
final fantasy 7 is just the best!
all i need now is a ps2 to complete the entire final fantasy 7 series.
arr~
why dont they just make the movie rather than telling the story through gameplay.
but its really fun playing as the character.
hahs.
ive been feeling quite unwell lately.
too tired to do anything.
have this aching feeling at the back of my head,
as though my skull is splitting up.
but its okay for now.
tired to think about anything.
tired to even face the world.
oh wells.
and yesterday,
i woke up early in the morning with a swollen eye.
haha!
dont know what cause it to swell like that.
can hardly close my eyes cause the entire part swell up.
and it lasted like the whole day,
even though i put on eye-mo and rinse it with water.
i dont mind that much.
as long i can see its perfectly okay!
haha.
you can see how bad it was below.
im feeling pretty tired now.
update again soon.

~waiting around can feel like forever

a'an

.a venom that you can't conceive

2009-02-23T23:05:00.001+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee.
free time so thought i'll just update this blog.
things are just happening too fast.
and im in my final 3 weeks before my final exam on the 11th of march.
basically im not even prepared for it.
had my oracle test today,
and it turned out to be a disaster.
its the same problem again where the module is not really completed and they're putting up the only class test for it.
the best part is there is not exams for the module.
so we have to depend on the test to determine whether we pass or fail the module.
for now i dont even care about it.
everyone around me applying for a place in poly and im here waiting for ns.
why the fcuk did i study so damn hard just to go to ns in the end?
oh wells,
guess i'l just have to finish what i've started.
and so im currently working with a new band.
project with asyraf & adli.
writing songs for the moment,
planning to record an EP soon.
not sure when.
still in the process of getting the equipments.
and i need an electric drumset really badly.
but don't expect too much from us.
might end up like all the bands ive been in.
i'll update again about this.
and yeah,
yesterday was kak nadia wedding.
was quite chaotic and fun.
ppl from terengganu and johor also came.
but not everyone.
ohwells.
and we did not have alot to do as the catering had it all covered.
so basically we just sat ard enjoying the atmosphere.
pictures can be found below.
enjoy~

~caught in a stasis, felt like ive wasted all this time

a'an

.be my valentine?

2009-02-14T23:45:00.003+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee~
whee~
finally updating.
plus adding two missing post that y'all havent seen.
so i felt like i really needed a new blogskin.
and i had to design one.
i dont know why.
i just had to!
and yeah.
it kinda suck!
i still prefer my white version better than this.
ohwells,
i have to put up with what i have now.
not sure why.
but recently i currently under burnout mode.
none of my designs seem to work.
and i wonder if i should even call them designs.
ugh~!
i must have lost my design sense i guess.
people are moving ahead of me,
and im here struggling to start from basics!
frustrated.
talking bout of designs remind me of my final year project.
urgh!
that teacher.
and i dun wished to say anything about it.
i just hope i'll pass my project module.
as for valentines today.
i spend it siting at home doing nothing.
went out for religious class back home late.
and had to cancel meeting up with her.
oh wells.
working tomorrow!
finally a job after 3 weeks!
and i really need the money.
haha.
gonna need all the rest i can get!
happy valentines people.

~impact is inevitable and it's up to us

.everyone's trying to break it

2009-01-28T23:31:00.002+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee~
a really quick update.
so yeah.
been busy with a lot of stuffs.
and today i took my time off to visit the npcc cadets,
to see the progress of the sec 3s,
also to meet some new sec 1s.
unknowingly,
it was to be my/our last visit ever.
and its cause by this pathetic security guard.
wth~
if he is doing his job in the first place,
maybe there wont be any complains at all.
and i got to know that everything was not going according to plan.
things were really out of hand.
i really have no say about what the c.i are doing.
and they/he are giving really pathetic excuses.
all i have to say is take off those ranks off your shoulder.
you simply dont deserve to be called one.
oh wells.
its not in my job description to think bout this anymore.
at the very least,
i really had so much fun~!
played soccer with them.
and it was really chaotic.
but it all had to end so fast.
missing you guys already.
pictures below.
do enjoy.

~encasing hearts full of hope.

a'an

.and they dont know what we know

2009-01-28T23:06:00.001+08:00

.to all member of npcc fancy drill 2008/2009.
it was really kinda quick today.
and i didnt even get to finish up what i wanted to say,
plus i didnt have all of you to speak to.
im not even sure how i should start.
its great knowing you guys this short 2 years.
and how time flies.
it may seem nothing to you guys,
but y'all have made an impact to my life.
guess i got emotionally attached to y'all.
seeing you guys almost everyday.
and im even spending more time with you guys than other people that exist around me.
it just one of those best moments in life i guess.
but its so sad to say that it had to end just like that.
quite disappointed with things that happened while we were at it.
some misunderstandings that happen.
i might have lost some of you guys during those times.
its really hard to get over it though.
truth be told,
im quite disappointed when i saw what happen to what we've build all this while.
it was really hard to put you guys together,
the tears, sweat, sacrifice, troubles, commitment(if there was any),
and what happen was we destroyed the bonds we created.
what happen to those times?
how we all cried together and how close did we became?
its okay for now.
i dun mind about not being appreciated/respected or anything of that sort.
all i wanted was all of you to be together.
just dont let it end among you guys
eventhough its over,
please dont forget what we've been trough all this while.
i know ive been pushing you guys too hard.
but i believe that each one of you have the potential to be more than what you are.
and there were some harsh words ive said,
i really didnt mean them.
i might have said that out of anger.
dont take any of it seriously.
but thanks for all the beautiful moments.
its you guys that made it happened.
for 2009(cca open house) fancy drill squad.
i know it didnt went so well.
and we didnt even have the time to even end it properly.
overall you guys did well for the performance,
but it was the ava that messed it all up.
i know we had time constrain, parents problems,
but it was really a great performance.
i hope you guys wont think too much about it.
i cant think of anything to say.
i'd give you everything if there was something left.
but im afraid this is where i end.
here's to taking a good hard look at things and standing up,
making a choice,
and seeing what it brings.

~it's all these days that kept us so far away

a'an

2009-01-06T23:34:00.002+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee~
well.
im officially tired.
and its just the 2nd day of school.
quite hard juggling school, projects, and now Fancy Drill.
yes,
im stubborn!
i think im just too nice to come back and help.
where are the rest?
working?
woah~
im like so tied down with my final year stuffs.
i feel like im not catching up with everything.
and whats wrong with people of this world nowadays?
a reggae wanabe guy laugh at my friend who dress like a emo dude,
when he has that fake hair up on his head covered by a beanie.
just wtf?
cant you look at yourself in the mirror first?
not only that,
people just wont listen when you are talking.
sometimes i wonder if they are listening.
it seems they just wana cut you halfway when your talking,
just to point out your mistake before you even finished saying anything.
and its also no use trying to work together if you dont or try to take in any suggestions.
and if you wana be the limelight of your the show,
why dont you play the whole show yourself?
im just keeping everything till the time is right.
and you might not wana see my other side.
arrgh~
im getting tired.
and all i need is help.
nite people.

~do I have to spell it out?

a'an

2009-01-04T23:37:00.000+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee~
just got back from work.
haha.
part time kendarat.
together with sani and acap.
well its my 2nd time with them.
but its really fun.
it was abit chaotic earlier.
we were lost and a little off from our destination.
and we were really getting late.
well,
i dun blame anyone.
to me it was just a confusion.
but everything turn out okay.
much better than it did for me yesterday.
haha!
i think it was just my luck or was i being careless?
guess what?
i was cashless with no money in my ez-link.
and i only had $1 that come in a form of 10 cents and 20 cents.
its was the only cash left inside my wallet.
and the only stupid thing i had to do was drop it!
i took my time to pick up those coins and i manage to save only 30 cents.
hahs.
oh wells.
i had to walk back home,
alone. . .
well i just wished for some company its hard getting the replies.
nevermind.
its ok.
at least i felt how alone i was in that kinda situation.
but the light were nice.
got a nice taste of pollution.
ohya,
i've uploaded a live version song by another favorite band of mine,
same league as 30stm in my mp3.
u cant get the studio version anywhere so i thought i share.
do enjoy~
im getting tired.
goodnight people.

~and how i wished you were that hero.

a'an

2008-12-30T22:40:00.001+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee~
woah!
i've been out for like 13hrs today.
finally an outing after so long,
or more like a catch up session with them.
so i left all the stuff i need to do just to be with them.
and i really need a break from all of this work.
went to escape theme park with ridaudin, aidillah & syhella.
the rest could not make it for some reasons,
but the plan still carried on.
and so i woke up early to get ready.
not feeling that good,
the feeling of involuntary impulse to vomit.
still i left home ignoring it.
reached yishun and i guess i was late.
haha!
ohwells.
cut short the traveling part and yeah we finally reach!
not that much people at that time(1000+ am).
first ride viking ship!
its been quite a while since i even ride on one.
and it was really a different kindda experience.
i felt i was falling off the ship and i tell u my heart did stop for a few seconds.
den we went for the wet and wild, haunted house, kite flyer, flipper& go kart!
but the most we went on was the viking ship!
it was loads of fun & it has been quite sometime since i had one.
thanks to y'all!
and btw sorry too for not telling~!
i didnt meant to reject y'all offering me food or sweets,
but i was fasting.
hehs.
i did not want to spoil the fun so yeah.
it was really damn hard to catch up with them.
energy running on low and i was running out of breath.
but i really tried to keep up.
it was really fun spending time with friends like this.
oh wells.
it might just be my last outing with them.
who knows if i would be called in early to answer my call of duty for the nation.
cey~!
hahaha.
but i really appreciate it.
thanks to you guys again.
so after that went to vivo before finally i can break fast.
spend some time taking pics.
the feeling of vomiting came.
but i had something to chew on.
so it wasnt that bad.
and off we went home after that.
woah~
13 hrs of non-stop action,
and its over for now.
except for the after effects of the viking ship.
haha!
now i have to come back to reality and finish up my tons of undone work.
oh wells.
i'll upload the pics when i have them aite?
its also time to increase the size of my textarea so i can put big2 picture.
haha.
k guys.
see y'all in a heartbeat!

~everything that matters breaks in two.

a'an

2008-12-19T23:32:00.004+08:00

hello eeeEEEeee~
yeay!
its the holidays again!
people are now relaxing,
playing their guitars,
going on trips,
busy with their psp,
oh wells.
its just not a holiday for me no more.
i have no fucking idea of what concept/theme for my sch project.
and i only have my only half of my brain to come out with the whole design.
and now im stuck here feeling really3 stupid staring into blank space thinking.
imagine a 'client' who wants his/her website to be done by leaving all the themes/concept/appearance to you( the designer).
and what the fuck are you suppose to do with nothing?
you don't even know whats gonna be the outcome of the website.
hmm.
lets just drop it.
no one will understand or hear me whining to myself.
losing the ability to do things with your left hand really sucks.
anyways.
daddy bought a camera for me( or rather us).
finally!
its just 8.1 megapixel.
but its better than nothing.
can use them for practice.
and taking pictures for any events.
much appreciated.
oh wells.
im getting tired.
brain running out of ideas and getting rusty each day.
and im getting tired of others who talk but no show.
well,
so long and good night.

.shaky, as always.

~all the perfect words they seem so wrong

a'an

2008-12-04T22:21:00.003+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeeee~
updates!
down with flu.
when what i wished for is to have sore throat!
i just wana feel how its like losing my voice.
haha.
and yeah i know im really taking my time to update this blog.
but im really kindda busy right now.
not easy being a final year student.
well easy but not for me.
having 2 test next week for server and networking administration.
and i havent even study a chapter.
projects still not done.
im just stuck with the designs.
not actually stuck.
its just that im not satisfied with it.
not easy when u have to be the one visualizing the final work.
stress sia.
well i just wana finish it up A.S.A.P.
ohya.
psp back from the hospital for the 2nd time.
the analog just wont work properly.
and this time the vendor said its cause by my cracked faceplate!
well,
now they tell me.
so had to change the front cover.
uuu~
psp looks brand new!
from the front that is.
haha.
i just hope it wont cause anymore problems.
ok people.
im starting to get drowsy.
the meds starting to kick in.
see ya'll in a hearbeat.
btw seniors,
outing!
still waiting.
take cares.

~lock down, stay undefined.

a'an

2008-11-16T23:00:00.002+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee~
oh wells.
busy2.
and its like ten years later in here (according to muna),
when its just one week in real present time.
thats fast isn't it?
school project still on the way.
have till february to finish up the whole thing.
and we're really taking it slowly.
can wait for the final product!
lets see.
ive been seeing quite alot of missing faces this week.
and they are so missed by me.
haha.
no names as there are to many to be mention.
really cant wait to see the rest for the outing.
need a break from this hectic schedule.
well mp3 needs new songs to be uploaded.
got to go for now.
do take care.
u know where to find me.

~quit waiting around for everyone else

a'an

2008-11-07T23:00:00.000+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee~
well,
im kinda free right now,
so i think i just take this time to post something here.
still not done with the design for school project.
but ive started several parts of it.
certainly its not what i imagine it to be.
oh wells.
have to get started off with something.
animating a flash navigation banner is so hard.
its like design + programming + common sense.
and i dont have the proper skill/training like some people.
design student, web designer, etc.
im not any one of those.
its kinda frustrating when i dont get effective results.
y'all should feel the frustrations and pain of sitting in front of a computer for hours,
just to animate a 5 seconds clip.
and its not including the actionscript codes, and navigation buttons.
got a lot to do in such little but long time.
sani's done with the back-end of the web page.
and im still stuck here doing the designs.
telling the truth i dunno what's going on in the group.
speaking my thought out.
theres no teamwork!
its all up to you to do your own jobs.
was it suppose to be that way?
to me its a no for sure.
oh wells.
lets see.
my current condition just got worst.
im starting to feel pain on my wrist caused by the small bone sticking out.
eyesight too is getting worst.
cant see most of the time w/o mu specs on.
i hate wearing specs.
i wonder why some geek-wanabe love wearing those thick and big glasses.
cant they at least be original.
hah!
sheesh.
and lastly,
to the band.
you guys disappoint me.
you guys are the reason why its not working out.
you guys are the reason why part of my dreams are shattered.
all i can say is just thanks.
hmm.
ok people.
i guess its time for me to rest for the day.
do take care.

~and all i hear are empty words that die

a'an

2008-11-06T00:05:00.000+08:00

hello eeeEEEeee~
sorry for taking my own sweet time to update.
im really busy.
i dont even have time for myself.
sheesh.
well taking this few minutes to rest and blog at the same time.
hmm.
school project is killing me.
and im slowing down my group as im in-charge of the front-end part of the project.
designs2!
damn.
im getting so rusty.
i cant even find the inspiration to even come out with something.
all i do everyday is like stare in front of the computer.
doing nothing but trying to come out with designs for the web page.
really cant wait for the end product,
but i have to like finish up the designs!
and up till now,
i have done none!
well. .
a few prototypes, but not the final work.
i think working with aftereffects is much more easier than flash.
oh wells.
miss everybody la.
heard npcc camp canceled.
was expecting to go & do activities that will take my troubles off my mind.
but its okay. .
theres always a next time.
hehs.
o levels ending soon.
hope someone/somebody will organise an outing.
need more fun in my life.
hahs.
ok people.
i gotta stop whining and get on with my work.
dont forget me while im away~

~permission to speak with words that evade me.

a'an

2008-10-19T22:45:00.006+08:00

hello eeeEEEeee~
well,
been quite tired this few days.
not quite sure why.
schools is okay for the moment.
life's not that good for me.
as you can see,
the more i try to take care of my body,
more damage are being done.
i finally got tired and let things be the way it is.
hahs.
there's nothing much i can do,
so yeah.
i have to live with it for the moment.
wahh.
i dunno whats coming next.
first was my hair,
and now,
a small bone sticking out my left wrist.
hah!
its not so obvious and not that serious(i hope).
not too painful.
but its alright for now.
no need for doctors attention.
unless it gets serious.
hehe.
ohya~
o levels are here.
all the best to my sister and friends who are taking their exams.
may u guys achieve what you've be aiming for.
dont end out like me or the others out there.
wasting their time,
when they think they're not.
hahaha.
but hey~!
i know im wasting my time here in ite.
should not be lazy before.
oh wells,
regrets mean nothing now.
but still i get to meet new people.
and so,
bout 6 months left before i part ways with them.
time really flies.
got to maintain my performance if i can.
hehe.
dont expect me to update frequently.
might be busy with projects and school.
oh~
before i forget,
to those who 'terase' in other words,
feel as though im talking bout you in my posts,
haha!
i suggest u think back before saying anything.
if you are in the wrong,
you'll know it.
take care people~
im off.

~if we fall there will be nothing and no one to catch

a'an

2008-10-13T22:20:00.002+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee~
im seriously tired out today.
skip school on the very first day!
haha.
went for ns medical check up at cmpb.
quite excited/nervous bout it.
but it was seriously one kind of experience.
everything was okay,
except for the fact that im underweight!
which is pretty hard to believe.
and acap knows that im a heavy eater.
i eat more than what u guys think.
but at least its over for now.
haha.
oh wells.
school already starts,
holiday's over,
and there's lots of thing i wish i had done during these time.
everybody's back to work.
and im still lost here.
oh wells.
the 'raya' mood seems lost.
'jalan raya' with friends not yet done.
and i guess will never be done.
i guess we all have gone our separate ways now.
if people cant be bothered,
why should i?
really tired of fitting in when people are stabbing u at the back.
while some 'suck the blood' out of you.
sheesh.
must worst than a vampire!
hahs.
but still i miss everybody!
and my holidays too!
very2 lazy la. . .
hmm.
well people,
im gonna need sum rest.
my blood got sucked out for today's medical check up.
and my right hand not working properly.
somewhat heavy,
but its okay for now.
hee~
okay people.
nite!
i'l try to update soon aite?
see you in a hearbeat!

~sweetness did you believe in this?

a'an

2008-10-03T18:00:00.001+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee.
okay,
i admit its been quite a while since i update this blog.
shit happens u know.
comp recently got infected by virus.
and my internet line was terminated.
but now everything's back to normal,
& i can get back to blogging.
whee~
well,
i did not publish my posts as i was kindda busy getting my blogskin done.
done with the combination of dreamweaver, photoshop, some plain template & me!
and i don't wana post anything until its all done.
so most of my posts were save in drafts.
u can catch them up below aites?
hmm.
i don't quite know why im going green this time.
bt hope u guys like it.
put your mouse over my picture!
& see what i believe.
well do enjoy people!
don't forget to tag on the new tagboard.

~someone inside me softly kills everyone around.

a'an

2008-10-02T22:02:00.005+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee.
oh wells.
i got my exams results finally.
was so scared bout it.
i know i did not do well for my class test and so.
gpa 4 was slashed from the list directly.
not onli that.
juz a week before the exams,
i got to know that we did not received any notes on the wireless chapter.
the teacher did not inform us bout the notes.
got the notes from my other teacher.
fuyoo~
seriously alot to study.
not only that.
my comp actually broke down on me.
sheesh.
it got infected by virus.
it kept restarting every 2 minutes,
and i cannot even study for my exams.
just a few days before exams and im at home doing nothing.
luckily there was acap to help me research on how to reboot/reformat my comp.
thnx bro!
reformatted my comp.
with everything lost,
i had to download microsoft office trial version to open up my notes.
it takes up most of my time to study too.
and im left with one and half days left to study like 14 chapters.
but i didnt get to finish up my revision and ol.
skip bout 5 chapters.
came to sch with no hope of passing.
tried my best.
the paper was okay la.
but i left some parts blank.
so finally work done,
and i have the results right infront of my face.
look below for my results.
click if cant see!
haha.

.never thought i'd walk on this street again.

oh wells.
seeing is believing.
hahs.
bt i dun quite trust my eyes the first time i saw it.
all the hard work paid off i guez.
congrats to my friends who made it trough too.
um.
wanted to break this news to dearie,
but she's too busy and tired during these few days.
nevermind.
it understandable.
ok people.
need alot of rest.
tired out too.
nite!

~chasing shadows as the evening takes me.

a'an

2008-09-30T21:50:00.006+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee.
oh wells.
ramadan's has come to an end.
things learned throughout this journey i hope will be put to good use.
'buka' with family and friends will be missed for sure.
hope that it will not be the last.
okay.
rather than i type out a message for each one of u guys,
i guez it much better if i round it all up.
hehs.

so. .
i would like to say thanks,
to all for being there for me.
sorry for all my wrongdoings.
well im the type of person who always make mistakes.
i might not get a chance to apologies to u guys personally.
hope u guys are reading this.
not gonna get so 'emo'.
hahs.
u guys are ol missed!
selamat beraye!

ok people.
alot to be done.
im gone for now!

~staying and staying and staying and staying here hoping.

a'an

2008-08-17T22:42:00.002+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee~!
updates!
hahs.
sorry!
ive been so busy and quite lazy to blog nowadays.
not that much to update too.
lets see,
feel like getting a new psp soon.
got some other stuffs at the back of my head.
mayb later.
saving2 lots2 of money to get them!
haha.
schs is ok la.
got to catch up with my network fundamentals!
damn fcuking hard sia!
ifia still havent finish the project.
bt i still can cope with it.
ohs~!
getting my new specs tml!
and my eyesight juz got worst.
right still stay at 175,
while my left from 50 to 225.
woah~
pretty bad right.
must be the cause of straining my eyes.
and not wearing my spec when i need them!
hahs.
i hate wearing specs.
and i miss ol of my frens and dearie so much!
what will i be w/o them?
oh wells.

music career wise,
my band totaly suck BIG TIME.
and im talking about UNRECIPROCATED LOVE.
read that my so call BAND MEMBERS!
there has been no jamming sessions,
no nothing about the band,
too much indifference between band members,
and most of all,
none even care to ask about the band!
issit officially disband or what?
and im sitting here waiting/hoping that we could go far.
im so disappointed with my band!
so what if you all got your own bands.
forget how we started?
even though some wasnt suppose to be part of it in the first place.
stupid fuck bullshit lame reasons!
and yes.
we dont sound right,
bt did any of u guys even put any effort in practice?
ended up each doin their own things.
we never sounded as one.
why is it in ur other band everyone can shine in their own areas?
is everyone that good?
u never once put in any effort to do sumtink about OUR band.
is this what we call a band in the first place?
its all about choosing.
but no~
u chose not to show wat u can do in OUR band.
u chose to call other band ur band bcoz its better.
bt u chose to let this crash and burn and fade as if it did not exist!
and dun tink im onli tokin to those in other bands,
this applies to the rest!
ask each of urself why play music in the first place?
fame?girls?lifestyle?
ive made it clear.
and lets juz see what happens.

ok.
im pretty much tired.
i update again anytime sooner.
got to study hard for now!
taking care people!
miss u guys much!

~we're just ruined lives and broken hearts.

a'an

2008-07-29T23:26:00.005+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee~
whee~
finally im officially and legally 18 on 28/07/2008.
its strange how fast time flies by.
hahs.
i would like to take this opportunity to say thanks,
to the people who made a huge difference in my life.
thnx to my parents and family who took great care of me,
its because of them im right here healthy and still on the right track of life(i guess. .haha.)
to my frens and dearie,
amalina, aidillah, alfian, asyraf, ridaudin, khairulddin, ariff, jiakai, mervin, ilyas, sani, adli, ukkrima, syhella, ain, adrinna, andrea, eos, faizal, firdaus, hanis, hidayah, hisham, iffah, izdihar, queenie, saifullah, siling, siti, suhaidah, suhaillah, sukfen, rufisha, zaki, muna, zahid, ridhwan, raman, affad, zul, ijal, nazreen and the rest i did not state above,
thnx for all that u have done in my life.
u guys complete me!
thnx to those who wished me!
and to those hu didnt.
thnx also to those who forget my birthday!
it understanable.
hahs!
and thnk Allah too~
for giving me the chance to know ol these wonderful ppl.
and too all the teachers that has been teaching me.
thnk you so much for all your services and hardwork.
i love ol of u!
haha!
now back to the updates.
im sick on my birthday.
how great can it be?
and i mean terribly sick!
down with sore throat, flu, cough, running nose.
hahs.
and i got to make it worst by eating ice-cream after sch!
my throat was reali sore.
so i needed sumtink cold to make it numb.
therefore ice-cream is the bestest choice!
hehs.
so celebrated with family.
how i wish culd celebrate with my frens.
oh wells.
so i got a chance to make my throat more sore by eating the chocolate cake!
hahs.
i cant even taste anitink.
bt still thnx to my family for the cake and presents.
i upload the photos once its uploaded.
thnx for the wonderful present!
and so the day ended.
i still got to wait for the mail to come.(if you know wat i mean.)
hahs!
thats ol for my birthday.
cant think much.
i need some sleep at least.
this sick business is making me lose a lot of sleep!
i did a lil sumtink since i cant sleep.
bt still i think it suck!
as it is my picture.
what do you expect.
nothing turns out right with me in it.
haha!
so yeah.
goodnight ppl!
love you guys!

.i must be dreaming.

~ we may not be getting younger, our days might be slipping away.

a'an

2008-07-16T23:35:00.002+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee.
whee~
update2.
sch ended very early today.
and so,
acap wanted to go bowling and so we did.
the 4 of us (sani, acap, ilyas & me).
in our sch uniform/polo-t went to marina square.
had onli one game cuz we didnt bring extra cash.
and guez wat?
i beat them ol!
my score was 98.
not bad for me.
at least i get to beat them.
hahaha.
sani in 2nd place followed by acap & ilyas.
whee~
acap wasnt in his usual form.
guez he was craving for long john silver,
dats y he didnt perform well enuf.
oh wells.
wished adli culd be there to join us.
bt he changed to the other side as he's now a rider.
asking him along might u noe. . .
trouble him in some way.
bt still we had our fun!
yeah~
we went to eat after that.
long john silver~!
oh & there was some confusions on money change for the bowling game.
hahs.
miscalculated.
bt i've settled my part.
so we sort them out finally.
went straight back home after that.
hmm.
i heard some band got audition for tapestry.
paris on ice auditioned too!
though both of ul members are in there,
im still proud of them!
go p.o.i!
talking bout that,
it left me wondering.
what ever happen to our(UL) application form for the tapestry audition?
hmm.
seriously like no calls or emails.
bt p.o.i got an email when they send their application.
saying that the organizer will call to confirm the audition dates and ol.
oh wells.
i'l just keep wondering.
oh & oh!
talking music,
i seriously love my new samsung U3 mp3 player.
whee~
reali fun and easy to use!
i get seriously excited bout the touch controls.
sound wise its acceptable and good.
no wonder it get high rating.
finally my music seem more organized than ever before!
hehs.
ok guys.
im leaving for now.
very the very tired sia.
da~

~make me the reason for it all.

a'an

2008-07-12T23:40:00.003+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee~!
woish~
tired out today.
had singapore power family day(zoo)/father's b'dae.
so most of the plan today i had to cancel.
wanted to go to fiestari as ppl were askin wether i culd go.
oh wells.
it seem like i didnt get to go as we wanted to celebrate my father bdae.
had to buy the cake and ol.
well i seriously had a lil fun.
hahs!
and theres org utan pee-ing on ppl~!
lucky i wasnt one of them!
tot it was raining at first,
den we look up and there he is sleeping and at the same time letting go~
hahahaha~!
oh and i reali ate alot today.
being stuff food by nenek and mama at the same time on both side.
den followed by eating chicken rice at foodcourt.
papa wanted to blaje luh!
reali felt like vomiting after dat.
hahs!
den head back home.
before dat,
i and my sister went to get the cake.
den head home to celebrate.
quite disappointed though.
didnt get to join them for the fiestari thingy.
oh wells.
sori guys.
yesterday work was pure awesomeness.
hahs.
i beginning to love work so much!
being a waiter isnt so bad.
started of being a stranger to everyone.
the onli ppl i noe was like onli 7.
and the first unknown person i ever talk to was the girl right infront and back of me.
i was in the middle.
we were part of the 8 person serving the first dish first.
quite nervous but it was ok.
im not that type where make frens dat easily.
bt hey~
as we were doin work we talk as if we had work with each other before.
this is the best part of making new frens
the only worst part is,
i didnt even ask for their name.
hahs.
bt it was alright.
i love this job.
except the cleaning part.
it so ouch~
we finish off quite late.
person in charge was being quite noisy.
and i hate it wen he nags!
hahs.
oh wells.
return their stuffs & collect my pay.
and head back home with my legs aching.
bt it was worth it.
yeah~
im still tired out by yesterday.
pretty much thirsty.
nite2 people.

.& happy birthday to you~.

~stay here all night long, be strong, forget the world we're living in.

a'an

2008-07-10T23:12:00.003+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee~
its been quite sometime since i updated.
and im so f*cking sick and depressed.
dat one of the reason i culdnt sleep yesterday.
wif this kind of situations,
its reali easy for me to easily get irritated if being ask alot of ques.
and it'll irritate more if most of them are the most stupidest question!
skool was as per normal this week.
class can be expected that much.
the usual survivors in class.
well.
as for today we skipped miss lisa's lesson.
no one was goin for it.
even if we did,
it'l juz be a waste of time.
instead we went to funan it mall to find some stuffs.
hahs.
this is the most best part where the 3 of us (acap, ilyas and me),
stroll around challenger,
played xbox 360,
and in the end we onli bought a small plug extension for my psp charger that cost $2.80.
hahs!
ohya and,
i nearly beat acap on a wrestling game,
when he was begging to give him a chance.
and when i did he took the chance to beat me instead.
cheater!
also played fifa street 3.
it was a 3 ol game till he used his gamebreaker and manage to score 3 more.
he got lucky.
bt it was fun.
we were suppose to play for onli 15mins bt it ended up we played for one and half hours.
oh how i wish fifa street 3 would come out to psp.
yeah.
it make me lost myself for a while after one hectic night of not getting any sleep.
k la guys.
im reali tired out.
this depression thingy still stuck inside my head.
and im losing my self esteem.
bt i had my fun for the day.
trying to get sum sleep.
adios~

~i put full effort to keep you happy for a while.

a'an

2008-06-15T23:09:00.005+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee~!
first things first i just came back from rewang.
very tired.
had to go home alone.
accompanied by mp3.
wanted to txt bt i tot i might just be bothering them.
so yeah.
got a few cuts here and there.
bt its not that bad.
and so here i am updating for this week!
well.
i had quite a blast on friday the 13th!
fancy drill npcc outing.
finally!
one of things ive been waiting for.
whee~
lotsa things happen.
the rest went on first.
while me and the malay boys went for our friday prayers before that.
soon we reached sentosa!
changed into wet/beach attire.
we weren't suppose to go into the water.
bt we took the chance while mdm sulastry was not there.
she had stuffs at school.
& before i knew it i was wet.
thnx to them.
hahs.
sandball being thrown.
played frisbee,
build sandcastle that didnt last long.
the one we built the last time was better.
so we kinda did lotsa stuff while waiting for her.
oh and oh!
illah's muffins is loved!
though i give lotsa comment juz to tease her.
wahahaha.
it was getting quite late & mdm sulastry still haven't reach.
sum of them gtg oreadi.
eos & andrea went off first.
bt it was ok.
and i, ALONE, got to send iffah home due to her parents mentioning bout her safety.
bt hey,
it was supppose to be my resposibility so yeah.
i went round half of singapore.
took train from harbourfront > outram park > jurong east.
drop her at admiralty continue journey to douby ghaut > harbourfront.
and it was reali killing me.
didnt get to sit down.
and my ankle was reali killing me.
had this bone out of place.
not that bad la.
hahs.
so rushed to meet up with the rest of them at the chicken rice shop at vivo.
mdm sulastry blanje!
hahs.
dats wat i heard.
so we give them the gift we* made for her as appreciation.
also gave a lil sumtink zaki as welcome back gift.
lotsa laughter.
and the day ended way too fast!
i didnt get to spend so much time with those ppl tht i missed alot.
and also sumting was reali missing truout the whole day.
it kept playing in my mind.
oh wells.
gonna miss evibody!
feel like keeping u ol for myself and not let anyone have u guys!
so i ended my day full of regrets.
bt i had my fun!
pics below.
not that much bt its the memories made that counts!
too bad some couldn't make it.
bt it was ok.
hope to have more of this!
yeah!
nite ppl~!

~you may think that i'm a joker

a'an

2008-06-10T22:30:00.000+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee~!
whee.
reali tired out today.
was at home the entire day rotting & playing game,
until alfian txt me to play floorball.
yeah!
efasha was there too.
called rid to join along.
while waiting for him we play with no slippers!
if onli the rest know how to play floorball & have their own sticks,
wouldn't it be fun?
oh wells.
the superstar* came late.
hahs.
and efasha had to leave before 7pm.
so he was a little too late.
we didnt get to play as i also gtg by 7:30pm.
wasted.
next time yeah?
umm.
tired & i miss everybody so much!
rest needed!
da~

~those moments define us.

a'an

2008-06-08T23:00:00.002+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee.
yeap.
the papercranes was flying yesterday before crashing down.
first gig ever.
and we did not do that good.
to me laa.
i dunno the others.
some commented we did ok.
we did not manage to sell of all the tickets.
so had to pay the balance which is like omg.
i manage to sell off ol 6 tix.
thnx to adli, ilyas, sani and his two frens.
not forgeting rid.
well,
it was quite disheartening,
as some of the ones close to me cant make it.
bt they have their reasons and priority.
dearie off to support a fren for competition @ pasir ris,
sum frens got events/meeting to attend to.
bt it was ok.
oh wells.
i was very sure i did not play @100%.
not even close to 50%.
heavy things running trough the back of my head.
and i didnt even feel anything.
something was reali missing.
after finishing the whole song i did not know what i was playing.
bt i had my fun.
yeah!
thnx to papercranes for giving me a chance to perform with them.
thnx to those who turned up and bought those expensive tickets!
so sorry to all because of not that so good performance.
we'll do better next time.
pics will be updated soon.
i'll end now.
oh and btw,
new song added to my playlist.
the words in the song are simply too wow to be describe.
enjoy & nites~!

.stop me from speaking out my mind.

~they remind me on how u almost left, avoiding me.

a'an

p.s ; and i waited bt no one was there to bring me up.

2008-05-31T23:10:00.005+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee~
currently tired and bored!
just got back from one whole day at simei.
had jamm session with the papercranes,
followed by supporting helena at east point mall.
miss singapore world seyy.
and she got through.
congrats to her.
umm.
yesterday,
truly have no say about it.
poor iffah and hidayah had to waste their prepaid,
just to call down a whole lot of people who said they would come but they didnt.
u culd just say NO or even say u got sumting else instead of giving them false hope!
and the meeting wouldn't have to carry on.
it was reali a waste of our time waiting for them.
and yeah,
it was a meeting w/o an ending as not all were there.
and we cant confirm anything.
sorry to iffah and hidayah especially.
and thnx + sorry to the seniors and the ones hu turned up.
much appreciated and sorry for any inconvenience caused.
as i would said the unified divide!
so much for the love shared/close bond/wats been teached.
it just wouldn't last like how i imagine it would.
i shuld have just disappeared like how i want to.
sumtimes i wonder why do i care too much?
i cant seem to find the reasons.
bt i'll still continue on as there are still ppl who want this thing to go on,
i'll end what has been started like how it was planned to be.
this closure must go on even if its onli me who's going.
or even if theres nobody by my side anymore.
nothing i say can describe just how im feeling rite now.
oh wells.
memories wont be forgotten.
i'll cherish you guys like i always did.
tc =]

.the memories we chose not to let them last.

~it's too hard to try to turn my eyes and drive the pain away.

a'an

2008-05-29T22:00:00.000+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee~
so tired.
so much for not schling these 2 days.
still did not have enough rest.
changed the blog song.
two of my most top in my list.
theres still alot bt i just cant possibly upload them to the player.
many music stealer on the loose,
who doesnt noe how to find their own music!
oh wells.
music is suppose to be shared!
and im sharing part of my love to u guys!
whee~
had a jamm session with the papercranes today.
acap ask along a fren to watch us play.
it was a her.
actuali it is to make it seem like outsiders were watching us playing.
well didnt quite feel nervous or anitink as i know it was their fren.
it was fine except sum parts la.
s.o.p in every jamm session.
surely got some technical probs.
bt still i tink we did fairly good.
oh wells.
been craving for macdonald's apple pie.
and i dunno why.
mmMMMmm~
ohya~!
before i forget,
i still have 6 tix to sell for saturday(7june08) gig.
the time slot for my band is from 4:30-5:00pm.
i reali need to sell off ol of this tickets.
there are at $12 each.
so please if ur interested tag on my tagboard!
thnx!
and again,
there will be a meeting tml.
2:30pm @ mac.
i didnt set this.
so lets see the outcome again.
will it just be another disappointment again?
oh wells.
im soso tired.
holi's coming soon.
bt not reali looking forward to it.
bt i just need the rest.
yeah~
goodnight world!

~ hear what im saying, it was always true,
i was never playing, when it came to you.

a'an

2008-05-26T22:08:00.005+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee~
certain thing caught up in my mind.
o levels MT today.
i wonder how it goes by for those taking them.
i'l just hope for the best.
anyway,
tests were killing me today!
NWFD drained me out,
60 question in 1 hr.
IFIA make me rush for time.
had enuf of today.
tagged by ima to do the survey!
not again.
oh well.
here it goes.

Game rules:

A. People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves. Tag 8 people. Those who are tagged cannot refuse.

B. These 8 people must state who they were tagged by. You cannot tag the person who tagged you. Continue this game by sending this to 8 other people.

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
So long and Good night~

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
30 seconds to mars performing in singapore please?

3. What are you waiting for?*
a reply?at least one?

4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
VERY the VERY.

5. What's your ideal lover like?
sweet, caring or just evrything i could wish for?

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone else?
loving someone i guess.

7. If the person you like does not accept you, would you continue to wait for them to change their feelings?
its better to be hated for what you are than being love for what you're not.mayb i'l wait and see.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
wait like how i did?

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy recently?
the untalented me.

10. What do you want most in life?
to be more happy than the ones happier than me or more happier than them.

11. How do you deal with anger?
breathe! or just explode.depends on situation too

12. Is family your everything?
family is part of my everything.there are others who make up my everything.

13. What do you think of people, in general?
weird.pretty people destroy themselves in such a way.

14. What kind of person do you think you are ?
a selfish bastard, retard, untalented, not so loud, [fill in the blanks], swit?(well sumone says so.haha.)oh wells.i am who i am in the end of the day.

15. Happy with your life?
well, what do you think?

16. If the person you secretly like cannot recognize you,what would you do/how would you react?
approach that person or act as if i dunno them.

17. Would you give your all in a relationship?
depends.sometimes too much will end with a unexpected break-up, to little will result in world wars.

18. If you fall in love with two persons simultaneously, who would you pick?
who would i pick?

19. What type of friends do you like?
what type of friends do you like?

20. Music?
any kind that makes my head follow the beat.

on the tag list,
1.ridaudin
2.jia kai
3.aidillah
4.eos
5.anybody
6.sumbody
7.a nobody
8.anyone hu's on enuf to do this survey

~cut me open, you'll find what you've been looking for.

a'an

2008-05-23T23:49:00.004+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee~
well guys its official.
papercranes (another side band im playing for) is gonna perform!
it will be held at the home club.
not quite sure where it is.
so do come and support us.
ticks at $12.
contact me if u want them.
gosh am i sO nervous!
to all UL fans*,
dun worry im still playing on their side.
so do come watch us (papercranes) live for the first time yeah?

and yeah,
today was the most heartbreaking day of all.
attendance was one thing.
dont mind sum of the seniors as they were more or less understandable of their situation.
bt the rest and the fancy squad?
like omg!
u cant even stay for a while and hear wat i have to tell b4 going off to watever ur having.
sheesh!
pity the rest who were waiting.
oh wells.
the bbq might be cancel.
lack of manpower is a thing and no teachers to support us.
support as in attend the bbq.
instead mayb there will be an outing/picnic/reunion?
didnt think of that.
mayb.
there will be another meeting held dunno wen.
it will onli be conducted wen theres all of them (inclusive of seniors) there.
and i mean all of them.
this time its not me who set the dates.
got tired of waiting and end up onli a handful of ppl turn up.
which is most heartbreaking.
so yeah.
it will be within this cuming week.
if none choose to co-operate.
then might as well scrap this idea of 'closure'.
hmm.
had jamming session with UL today.
one of the worst one i/we had.
lotsa songs forgotten.
some issues brought up by me and alfian.
band meeting tml.
see wat the outcomes is (uh-oh).
if theres time,
might be writing new stuff.
we'l juz see how it goes right?
update u guys soon!
tired and uninspired.
nite~

~and i hope you might take me back inside when the time is right

a'an

2008-05-21T22:29:00.003+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee~
oh well,
its juz sO great* how a group of person or anybody could just make* my day.
thnks la eh?
hahs.
its just sO great* that how ppl brag bout things they have or get.
its just sO great* to see how ppl let u struggle when u need their help.
its just sO great* to see how ppl can be sO selfish and sO self centered.
its just sO great* too to see how ppl burnt down your dreams when your trying to achieve them.
hahs.
its reali funny that im saying this.
as much as a selfish bastard i am,
i tried to understand other ppl situations too.
and i wont turn down anyone when they need any help.
even if im too busy or down having anything important.
oh wells.
humans.
u cant expect too much out of them.
some cant see ur trying to be there for them,
some cant see u need serious help,
some just cant see what i meant by this.
its not ok.
bt i'll try to understand.
so. . .
went to smbss today to meet mdm sulastry.
and she need to go off.
got her daughter's meet the parents session.
so yeah,
cancelled.
ended up helping jk and aloysius.
it was a very tragic sight.
and im getting tired going to and forth to sch.
no extra help or payments.
juz have to submit the plan of the bbq which is not yet confirm.
and i've got ppl complicating things for me!
not enough manpower and stuffs.
sumore its the last week of their sch.
so this is wat is meant by a closure eh?
whats next?
continue breaking me down till i fall apart.
stay tuned.

~ sit back and take it in for way too long, u turn to silence when things are wrong.

2008-05-19T23:14:00.003+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee~
oh wells.
im so tired.
down with assignments.
nearly finish except the conclusions.
didnt go out today.
rot at home instead.
pretty frustrated bout certain things.
plans for the "closure"/bbq is on idle.
& its like so hard to get ppl to work with you for the very last time.
reasons getting in the way evitime.
its just a day out of everyones hectic schedule to get together/have fun for the very last time.
& it like as though we're so demanding.
its just a day and not a week or even a month.
i just want this to get done and over with.
well.
of ol saddest stories that could be told,
my bestfriend* died last saturday.
leaving me all alone,
no one to be by my side wen i encounter my music addictions,
no one to even push me so i could do better evitime i tried.
sorry that i broke u and cant use u for the audition yesterday.
thnx for this 2 yrs being by my side,
playing along with my musical journey.
u'll be missed!
u may the be the first,
bt definitely not the last.
i'll get a new one,
soon. . .
hahs.

.in memories of zildjian john otto artist series drumstick.
.gift from Unreciprocated Love.
.2006-2008.

~all I have left is a memory of you.

2008-05-12T23:06:00.002+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee~!
wahh.
it been sumtime since i updated.
well.
life's still simple.
the usual.
ntg interesting goin on.
and i miss evibody.
had kendarat/rewang yesterday.
seriously tired.
walk alone frm khatib to yishun den take a bus back home.
accompanied by my dear mp3.
pay yet to be collected.
hahs.
schs as usual today.
oh wells.
meeting fancy tml.
i juz dunno where the seniors are.
cant seem to contact them nowadays.
bt its understandable i guez.
hope evibody can make it for the BBQ.
or it will be called off!
nvm bout tht if it happens.
theres olwaes a nex time.
unless the world ends itself.
hehs.
well.
im too free after finishing all of the class tees to be design.
upload them wen i have the time.
so yeah,
did sumtink here.
dear's the subject.
i know where i stand.
bt im satisfied with this though it not those top kind of standard.
its been long since i did any vector.
need to sharpen up more.
enjoy~
i'l juz end here.
goodnight world!

.click to appreciate more.

~help me enjoy the fall.

a'an

2008-05-02T23:50:00.000+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee!
oh wells.
updates!
hahs.
sch ended early with only a handful no. of ppl.
wth~
prayers,
den went jamming wif acap and friends at bugis beat merchants.
drums sounds kindda suckky.
the snare was like those reggae type.
and i got exhausted easily.
mayb is bcoz i lack of prac.
or maybe its maybeline.
hahs!
bt its was olrite.
since she was ard the area shopping wif her frens,
tot of picking her up.
so i waited for like full 1hr30+mins there.
reali and my butt hurts!
saw ima,
didnt notice.
& i was like "huh, where have i've seen her before?" before she wave at me.
oh hello~
got tired at the end of the day.
okay!
here is where i end

~down below your veins run dry your vacant eyes

a'an

2008-04-27T23:30:00.003+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee~
hahs.
well i guez im one of the few unlucky* ppl to be chosen by ariff to do this survey.
hahaha!
oh well.
so as requested,
here it goes.

1. At what age do you wish to marry?
pretty unsure, bt maybe 28?

2. How many children do you want?
preferably 2.

3. What you want the most now?
more time with everyone around me, 30 seconds to mars merchandise!

4. What do you want to be when you grow up?
part of the Special Operation Command (S.O.C) team.

5. If you can have 1 more dream to come true, what would it be?
meeting 30 seconds to mars performing live in singapore.

6. What are you afraid to lose now?
everyone and everything i have.

7. Do you believe in being in love forever?
for sure i do~!

8. If you meet someone you love, would you confess to him/her?
oh well,yes i say.hee

9. How strong (in your heart) can you be?
depends.somewhere weakness is sometimes our strength.

10. What are the requirements that you wish from the other half?
requirements eh?maybe swit, caring, loving and sincere is all i wish for.

11. Which type of people do you hate most?
those backstabber, ppl who make small things they have seem like they got the whole world with them & those who are so damn proud and just won't share.

12. Do you cherish every single one of your friendship?
whee~surely i do.every single one brings about a different memory whether good or bad.

13. Do you believe in God?
110% confirm & yes!

14. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Family, friends & her.

15. Roughly, how much of an age gap would you want to have between you and your wife?
Either same age or younger or.maybe a year older?jk!hahs!

16. What kind of friend do you hope to be in your friends' eyes?
understanding?the one they could count on when they are in need.maybe, maybe not.haha.

17. If you have a chance, which part of your character would you like to change?
anger.i'm really an angry person.to fierce i guess.sometimes i'm mistaken as being an antagonist for it.hehe.

18. If you're feeling low one day, who would you go to?
it depends.if i cant take it, i noe the one who can "stand by me".hahaha.

19. What do you fear most at this moment?
Allah & losing everyone right now.

20*What is the only thing that i want?
not to be everybody's rebound.

Instructions;Remove 1 question from the above, and add in your personal question to make it a total of 20 questions.Tag 8 people to do this survey on their chat-box.

1. Aidillah!
2. Andrea!
3. Eos!
4. Khairulddin!
5. Ridaudin!
6. Suk Fen!
7. Ukkrima!
8. & those who are on enough to do this survey!

enjoy!

~day dreamer, deceiver, lay waste the true believer.

a'an

2008-04-16T23:09:00.005+08:00

hello eeeEEEeee
well.
school on again~!
and im back to my designing business.
hahs.
its been nearly a week.
and 2nd year schedule is soso hectic to me.
hahs.
updates on this dead* blog.
feels like it reali needs a makeover.
and i feel like doing vector again.
bt heck~!
i forget how to do them.
mayb can try doin sumtink different too.
need to start from basics again.
bt it seems almost impossible.
time constrain.
whee~!
designed some class tee logo/design for 5a1 & 5a2.
i know its not that nice.
running out of inspiration and motivation lately.
so tats ol i can come up with.
yeah.
click on it to appreciate more.
so long and goodnight!

.5a1 front logo.

.5a2 front main design.

.5a2 front main design 2.

~if you come around i may just not be found

a'an

2008-04-10T12:00:00.002+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee.
woish.
one week no fancy training reali makes my week boring!
reali miss them sia~
i was totally wrong to say ive missed my daily life bcoz of them.
bt instead they became my daily life.
well my original daily life begins to feel sucky.
wen i tot evitink culd get back to normal.
bt yeah.
more and more fights with dearie cumin my way.
wen evitink i say is wrong,
hanging out wif frens to do proposal for a good purpose is wrong,
even having fun w/o u is wrong.
well i dun even noe wen is the time dat i finally do sumtink right in ur eyes.
i reali didnt mean to do this on purpose.
goin out wif them more than u,
wen theres a reason goin out wif them.
forgive me if i were to go m . i . a one day.
i need to run away frm ol these.
wen no one is trying to listen to me wen i need u or them truly.
im in such a mess, and its getting more messy.
oh well.

& yeah.
happy bdae momma!
stay happy always.

~i'm drowning in your lake.

a'an

2008-04-06T23:05:00.002+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee!
wow.
im soso tired man!
lets rewind a bit backward and see wat i haf been doin.
hahs.
well.

saturday 5/04/08.
went to visit zaki at hosp with rid along wif a few fancy squadmates.
met up early bt the waiting and buying of stuffs make us delay.
so we move out at 11:30am.
which was late.
waited at novena for the rest.
had our 'brunch'.
a new word learn from crazy eos!
which means breakfast and lunch.
hahs.
mdm sulastry reached KKH while we were still eating.
finally move on.
reached and went to find zaki's ward.
finally found after goin to the wrong one.
ouhk.
we went to the high dependency ward.
where he was admitted to and onli 2 were allowed in at a time.
bt rules are meant to be broken.
so sum of us went in 3 to 4 at a time.
most of them breakdown at the sight of him.
he look so weak and can barely speak.
truthfully i nearly did.
with the situation was filled with sadness ol ard.
bt hey.
he's gonna be alright!
gotta believe in him.
and also sumbody gotta cheer the others up.
if evione is gonna go emo wat wuld he tink right?
it might make him feel more guilty.
showed him the vids we took for him.
he was sum sort clenching his fist and holding his emotions wen he looked at their performance video.
mayb angry at himself for not being able to?
nobody culd tell.
and he cried wen he looked at the dedication video by the fancy squad.
bt yeah.
wats done is done.
we cant change anything.
so yeah.
do get well soon zaki~
we gots lots of stuffs planned out,
and we'll be waiting for u.

ouhk,
thts far enuf.
um.
well today help out my abg sedare rewang.
it was like ow!
we were late for a few mins.
upon reaching we oreadi started work.
stop to eat.
and wen we're back it was like woah!
loads of plates and cups to wash.
we did non-stop work as plates keep cumin in and so.
it was like wen we finish one big basket theres another two still to be done.
i had to even multi task.
and my backbone hurts like hell sia.
it continue on till 7:45pm.
by then i was super tired la.
i had my jeans wet.
had to go home with it.
haha.
collected our pay and off we go to jurong east interchange.
parted ways wif my abg sedare as he wanted to go eat with his frens.
and i was all alone.
lucky theres sumone to txt.
appreciate it la.
thnx for accompanying me ol the way till im back.
ouhk.
now im reali tired.
plus the tiredness of friday and saturday ive become triple tired.
visiting zaki again at the hosp tml.
i'll retire for the nite now.
tc.

~ the only antidote consists of blood, sweat, and hope

a'an

2008-04-04T23:32:00.003+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee~!
whee~
evitink was a blast and i tink i juz forgot to breathe.
finally the big day we have been waiting has arrived.
went early2.
and yeah.
we missed solat jumaat.
missed as in late!
all bcause of a radio, a switch port and a late bus.
ishk.
soo evitink did not go as planned.
as in the shirt pasting and sum other stuffs.
decided to abandon it as they look best in plain.
touch up.
wore for them their scarf.
and they were done.
gave dem a motivation speech which led to cryings b4 the performance.
wrong timing to do tht.
bt i meant no harm.
bt yeah!
they did great on their performance.
except for sum parts.
bt it doesnt matter animore.
hahs.
yeay!
its finally done and over with.
it was very2 fun and memorable.
im juz too excited and lost for words.
lots of jumping and dancing.
woo.
we went wild~!
hahs.
well evitink comes to an end.
it juz soo damn fast.
and i felt as though theres lots of stuffs tht we didnt do.
oh well.

to all fancy drill squadron,
adrinna, andrea, eos, faizal, firdaus, hanis, hidayah, hisham, iffah, izdihar, jia kai, mervin, queenie, saifullah, siling, siti, suhaidah, suhaillah, sukfen, rufisha and last but not least zaki(though he did not get to perform).
thnx for all the contribution of ur time, effort, money, commitment, attitude problems and many more.
thnx olso for the beautiful/annoying moments we ol shared together during these time.
u guys will be remembered~!
and sorry too for the shouting, screaming and if i look too fierce or being harsh to u guys in any way.
it was truly not on purpose as i have my own reasons for it.
and to zaki,
get well soon yar!
dun let any of this bring u down.
do tc of urself.
i love u guys more than myself!
fancy will be nothing w/o u guys~!

to all seniors,
aidillah, jia kai, khairulddin, mervin, ridaudin and syhella.
thnx for standing by my side and giving ur support and ur precious time in making tis a successful performance.
i juz cant express how grateful am i to u guys for sacrificing evitink* for this performance.
plus im sorry if i've done aniting to hurt u guys.
i juz cant seem to express my feeling in words.
bt it shud be enuf.
hate u guys for making me love u ol sososo much.
dun forget me wen im gone.

to my dearest teacher officers.
mr pari,
thnx for ur contribution in makin this a successful performance.
and yeah for giving me and the others a chance to be part of np and help out in this major event.
sori for getting u to much trouble.
much appreciated.
mdm sulastry~!
ur the best t.o ive ever come across.
thnx for believing in us and backing us ol the way!
it was fun knowing u.
thnx for ol the support, motivation, and every single thing u did for us.
sori for getting u totally involve with our fancy affairs.
bt its a great thing u did.
looking forward to working wif u again.
bt i guez its done till here.
thnx again.

to the ones i forget*
aidillah & syhella.
sorry we didnt wait for u guys b4 we 'bersurai' or gave out speech.
its not tht i totaly forget.
being pestered to hurry up.
& it was reali so hard to notice u guys in that situation.
bt watever it is.
u guys are still remembered.
sori again~.
and thnx for supporting us too.
u guys did great for ur performance even though there was technical errors.

to those hu planned the surprise.
whee!
thnx yar.
it was reali surprising.
thnx for showing how much u guy appreciate us.
the cake i love it though i didnt get to taste it.
truthfully i gave out my share to either aidillah or syhella.
im not sure too.
bt thnx and sori too bout not eating!
love it!

to those hu were'nt mention in here.
thnx to u guys too for every single support u gave or even every moments tht u make me feel worst wen wat i juz need was motivation.
thnx a bunch yeah.

well.
i guez this is the end of the beginning.
i juz dun want it to end.
bt yeah.
we haf to finish wat we started.
to evibody involved in SMBSS Speech Day 2008 cum 10 anniversary,
i wuld like to say thnx,
though traditions are broken,
bt the changes were meant for the better.
thnx again for making this event such a blast.
i dun have ol the pictures bt here it goes.

.fancy drill squadron / mdm sulastry.

.& the seniors.

.the wacky side of us.

.we appreciate it much!.

.a'an / cHoCo.FreAk.

.a'an / crazy eos.

.a'an / ditched, chubby-cheek, panda!.

.pretty much beat by the end of the day.

~now i noe theres no reason to say good-bye.

a'an

p.s ; i love ol of u loads!

2008-04-02T22:35:00.004+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee.
well attendance for np today was rather disappointing.
15/21.
wen they noe today is like the last day for them to practice.
wow~!
thnx to them we were restricted to getting near perfection.
um.
did had a serious tok to them.
we told them their mistake honestly.
some were harsh.
bt it was now or later.
decided to help them this cumin friday.
got our own reasons.
did not wana leave them struggling all alone.
so requested that tml have practice at 2:30pm~4:30pm,
wen it was suppose to be our onli break for the week.
bt its ok.
sacrifice a lil bit more for them.
whee~
ohya.
was told by acap results were out.
went *dap, dup, dap, dup*.
well the results are shown below.

well.
i tink i've made it once more.
hehs.
and sori tau illah,
was juz kidding bout i failed.
bt hey~!
i managed to keep my word.
GPA 4.
bluek~!

~so here's a gift, in this feather.

a'an

2008-04-01T23:30:00.006+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee~
strezful day today.
like wow!
woke up late.
suppose to mit rid at 8 bt was late by 45 mins.
went to help at the art gallery.
dammit.
it was onli me and him adjusting and hanging the paintings.
juz imagine how hard was tht.
while the one who called for help was doin nthg.
except for talking and gossiping ard.
onli a few help us.
nearly explode sia.
bt i wasnt invited there.
was onli accompanying rid.
so rather than making matters worst,
i shut and held evitink back.
so went for np.
was quite in a rush.
evitink was goin into plan* wen the huge mess happen in the rehearsal.
our 2nd song was not played.
and we were scolded bcoz we didnt inform them.
we did wanted to show them our full performance on friday.
bt our teacher officer said the principal was satisfied wif evitink.
and yet we were blamed fully for surprising evibody again.
teachers and principal coming screaming our way.
like wow rite?
cannot accept sia.
and ava didnt even listen to us wen we said use our cd for our performance.
bt overall the fancy did do greatly.
they nearly live up to our expectations.
except for the last part wen they messed it up totally.
gotta polish it by tml.
bt yeah.
they did well.
still deciding about friday.
bt tml is more important.
still alot to be done,
and have to be done.
i leave whats unsaid here till tmls training.

~fallen for your disguise.

a'an

2008-03-29T23:03:00.004+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee~
wow.
wat a day today.
i seriously had fun.
went to sch early2.
and i tucked in my shirt~!
i tink i look funny.
bt it turns out to be a waste.
culd not go HTA.
due to bus problems.
hahs.
mr pari booked a smal bus so only the participants culd go.
sori to the fancy squad and them of coz.
we culdnt show our support.
we were left there blank.
dunno watodo.
called khai and yeah.
he told us not coming,
decided to resume wif fancy training as planned'.
we did not want to keep on hold.
gotta react on our own decisions,
and not wait for others tht are slowing us down
so decided to move on wif the pole.
ol dressed up.
left wif onli one pole.
half taped.
still need to buy the required tape.
so yeah.
miting them up on monday.
this time gotta finish up the remaining touches on our uniform,
polish their boots.
help the sec ones season their beret.
and we're done~!
mayb having a lil bit of practice.
and we're set for tuesday major full dress rehearsal.
whee~!
oh.
i reali pity rufisha juz now.
juz couldnt find a way to solve her problems.
we wished we culd help.
bt we are juz helpless.
the onli thing we culd do is juz listen out and hope for the best.
i hope evitink wuld juz be fine.
and ohya.
after training was war~!
rid & me against jia kai, eos, andrea, sukfen & hidayah.
hahs.
poncho-block catching.
super fun~
hahs.
i admit i didnt hide properly.
got split frm rid halfway.
i was reali lazy to run.
bt was fun.
had drinks and chat b4 heading home.
and yeah.
funfunfun.
too bad for those hu missed it.

.& we love u guys~!.

~i hope there is a way to give me a sign you're okay.

a'an

p.s ; i'll try my best to make u feel alive.

2008-03-28T23:30:00.003+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee~
woish.
finally done wif the performance
juz a few touches and makeover and it will be perfect.
i guez. . .
so. .
tok to sum parents juz now.
apologies to them for all the inconvenience caused.
and gladly they understood us.
and OMG~!
we got mr pari into trouble again.
juz bcoz of delayed consent forms.
darn it.
we are so gona get it.
bt its ouhk.
hehs.
training tml.
supporting the campcraft ppl at HTA.
fancy will be there too.
so we'll be having practice wif them there.
alot to be done.
tuesday major full-dress rehearsal.
im soo nervous bout it.
got alot to polish up.
i shud settle down for now.
before i forget.
all fancy squadron parents are invited to the speech day to watch their child perform.
i juz hope fancy wuld do their best & wont let anyone of us down.
woish.
wonder how its gona be like.
juz hope it wont rain like it use to.
take care people.

~when we start killing it all will be falling down.

a'an

2008-03-27T23:26:00.004+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee~
well.
i juz love to see how each problem come and go after one another.
yeay.
collect the 7 exchanged tshirts b4 heading to sch.
bought for them bread otw.
and i went cash-strapped after that.
hahs.
reached let them enjoy their bread.
sori guys.
i noe its reali 'budget'.
bt its wat i can onli get for u guys.
not the best bt yeah.
so continue wif training.
had to shout at them again for the same reasons.
got tired repeating evitink over and over again.
my throat reali gotten sore.
and my dry cough is reali getting worst.
juz hope i dun lose my voice.
we olso had sum slow tok wif dem.
i wonder if they'll reflect on it.
bt yeah.
i wun be expecting anything frm them rite now.
u noe.
they are bz with their stuffs.
hmwk, health, family.
its ol understandable.
bt they reali impressed me wen they completed 2mins27secs for their domino.
in juz one day.
juz need to brush up on certain things,
and we're done.
ohya.
recently.
many parents called me up complaining abt this fancy thingy.
i juz hope they culd understand our situation.
bt hu are we to make them understand rite?
i noe how hectic the schedule is.
bt its not our desire to keep holding ur child till late evening or sumtink.
bt its ok.
we understand how parents care abt their child.
how do we noe?
we have parents too.
im very tired and sick rite now.
and im still thinkin bout the missing shirt.
hu the heck is holding on to the shirt sey.
omg.
i wish this problem culd juz slip away rite now.
we'll find out tml.

~i need you so bad, i know it's gotta be wrong.

a'an

2008-03-26T23:40:00.003+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee~!
woish.
feeling reali tired and yeah.
wat can i do rite?
soo. . .
went out wif rid early in the mornin to smbss.
collect money from the fancy squadron for their pants.
den went on to tok to mdm sunita.
time was moving indeed slowly wen we need em to pass by fast.
waiting for the uncle to call and reconfirm whether we culd go and fetch the pants.
and it was at beach road.
didnt noe where to go coz it was soo early.
so went hunting for rid's whitening cream.
and we saw clara~
its been long since i saw her ard.
so chated and finally decided to take the train wif her to douby gauht.
our intention was to kill time by doin soo.
bt it didnt help at ol.
hahs.
went ard surveying evitink we culd see frm clothes to guitar and slippers.
rid bought one pair.
nice sia~!
volcom.
woo~
he even bought a keychain along wif it.
and we walk frm there to ct hall, bugis.
finally received a call tht we culd go and fetch the pants.
so walked to lavender.
reached.
made payments, took the stuffs and we got our drinks.
mine was strawberry shake and rid was chocolate shake.
didnt haf the time to drink as we're in a rush to sch.
so yeah.
in the train we saw many kinds of ppl.
sum showing off their strength.
some showed their determination.
bt if was super funny la.
and sum even look at us like we were sum kindda criminal.
ugh.
i juz cant imagine whether we can finish the whole thing for fancy.
their attire are done for now.
juz need things to be done quick b4 the speech day is done.
aiz.
juz wat can i say?
im too tired now.
mayb bcoz ive been travelling alot in these whole week juz to find their stuff.
search3 & buy next day collect.
reali tiring.
and we took one whole day just to find the perfect one.
still alot to do.
& to u ppl out there,
who juz wana break me down instead of pulling me up.
i noe im one stubborn thing.
stop askin me to stop thinkin abt np as im out officially out of this stuff.
it my responsibility for now.
if u cant accept wat im doin.
plz keep ur comments to urself.
i wun listen to those 'helpful' advice of urs no matter how much u want me to.
ohya.
before i forget.
rid,
thnx bro.
for the stuffs u've been wasting ur money on me.
i reali appreciate them sia.
and i dunno how shud i repay u back.
if i culd,
i'll try to repay u back.
thnx tau.
i juz cant describe how i feel.
& i didnt get to finish my strawberry shake.
ugh.
dat aloysius spill it.
well nvm.
i got a lot to do for now.
taking their polo t's tml.
need rest bt i cant for now.
i'l have rest wen i die.

.very much appreciated.

~believe me when i say goodbye forever is for good.

a'an

2008-03-25T23:10:00.003+08:00

im juz a nobody living in this world,
filing up space on earth.
i got no talent in aniting.
and i mean evrything.
i got no right to decide aniting for myself.
i got ntg to achieve in life.
enuf said,
lets face it.

~knocked down, stumble, and i fall.

a'an

2008-03-24T23:40:00.004+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee.
woish.
very tired sia.
Mr pari called yest regarding uniform.
so.. .
mornin went hunt down np shirt and pants wif mama!
back home change,
off to sembawang secondary.
a lil bit late.
talk to mr pari bout fancy uniform.
he seemed upset bout it.
culd be he got scolded by mrs raja or sumtink.
tried covering for the cadet and teachers the other day.
bt theres olwaes sum ppl hu juz wants to interfere in evitnk.
now we're in deep sh*t.
so went to take their measurements.
took the cash frm mr pari.
pity him sia.
looked so sad wen he passed the money.
hu wuldnt?
hahs.
so off to wlds checkpoint wif khai & aloy.
and wat we heard mostly was "out of stock~!".
ishk.
wasted our time in the pants shop for almost an hour.
getting to noe tht sum size we need was out of stock.
bt wen we asked he said there were.
a moment later not.
i was reali getting restless there.
hahs.
continue hunting fer shirts.
khai had to go out early so left me and aloy.
went to khatib still hunting down for their shirts.
strez up sia.
found em bt to me it was quite big.
and they dun have any xs.
luckily illah reminded me of tht time i recommended her a shop that print shirt.
went there alone as aloy need to be off home.
was feeling quite insecure holding the money wif me.
hahs.
so finally got the long sleeve polo t-shirt tht we've been lookin for.
did i mention it was dry fit?
yessa!
and i got it for the price of $11.
wen other shops are like selling at $18?
i save $4 off our budget of $15 for each shirt.
oh,
and illah,
thnx for reminding me bout the shop and for ur help too in 'teman-ing' me along the way.
as for rid,
sori didnt get to mit up wif u.
was reali tired and it was getting late.
so yeah.
mayb tml or other days instead?
and yeah rufisha,
thnx for cumin back and be together wif the fancy squadron again.
appreciate ur time and commitment.
and im reali sori for the time i shouted at u,
and i noe i was harsh.
so yeah. .
lets juz forgive bt not forget so we'll learn frm our mistakes aite?
and fancy drill squadron, seniors and teacher officer,
i juz love u guys and sumtimes hate u guys in attitude, discipline and time matters.
thnx for ur commitment and time as well.
keep up wif the progress* and yeah,
keep on doin better.
dats ol for now.
i save the rest fer later.
takin cares~!

~somewhere weakness is our strength.

a'an

2008-03-22T23:16:00.004+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee.
bluek~
ntg to do now.
so yeah.
update fer this week.
watch movies yest.
the orphanage.
its a must watch bebehs.
sad story.
so wow.
got shock at one point of the movie.
if wana noe,
grab a ticket and watch yeah?
so today's np.
still the same.
im so caught up.
i juz cant describe my feelings.
i like want to shout as loud as possible.
i want out of this as soon as it ends.
i need to release myself.
hahs.
i juz cant take it anymore.
juz another issue and i swear i'l be out of this before even anyone says 'no'.
uniform still not settle.
its bcoz we' kept procrastinating.
we' took the very last minute to tell evione bout the uniform.
still hunting down for the pants.
am i beginning to get speechless.
onli done wif one song.
and not the domino.
argh~
shud we cancel of the domino?
we'l see in the next episode.
im feeling quite weird lately.
im missing evibody loads wen i juz met them earlier.
juz wat am i thinking now?
well i need rest.
kabOOm~

~cross the line,
redefine,
lose your mind,
come crawl inside.

a'an

2008-03-19T21:09:00.003+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee.
woo.
yeah~!
lost another one' off fancy drill squad.
wana hear more?
sumone wif attitude tht juz pissed me off every training,
finally left the fancy squad.
the onli one hu we put on hope sooo much showed she juz wasnt worth it.
so were we suppose to be understanding ol the time?
i guez we did.
too much dat is.
wen u came late we act as though ntg happen.
we gave u shelter cuz u need one.
u tok to ur sch frens wen ur in ur squad w/o any permission yet we did ntg.
and wat?
this things u've done we reali didnt mention a thing.
bt we ended up bottling our feelings up.
and u took it up till my very own limit.
it doesnt mean ur the onli senior in the fancy squad,
u cant show ur flaws.
i gave u soo many chance and yet this is how u recompense.
so yeah.
u reali need to go off early yest.
i let u off oreadi and u insisted on stayin abit more.
hu the heck told u to stay?
and during debrief,
if u reali need to go,
u can juz like come straight to me and said so.
now wat?
u were there interrupting wen i was tokin to them.
and by the way u sit and take evitink as a joke and asking me to hurry up.
wif teachers askin wat we need for u guys.
i got soo pissed off with evitink u did.
and yeah.
u do deserve it from me.
frm dunno how many tranings u have been makin me hold back evitink,
i juz took tht moment to juz told u off.
and i noe u cant take it.
if u culd u wuldnt haf do sumtink soo stupid like wat u did.
u never learn dun u?
expecting others to listen to u.
wen u juz wun listen to us.
want me to respect u wen u dun do so for us.
please,
do open up ur eyes widely.
see wen im jokin and wen im not.
and listen to my words clearly before u say anitink.
not up to standard doesnt mean no good at ol.
stop being soo dumb and start listening instead.
and mind ur actions.
if u tink i was being unresonable,
think again.
dun think ur the onli one wif parents hu nags and beat u up.
and i noe im not tht impt.
bt its for np and not for me.
hu the heck told u to pity me and come for fancy.
i did say.
ur not interested u leave.
well.
im not gonna end this post by saying harsh things.
its time to clean up this mess i made in my blog.
it was never suppose to be bout np bt my life.
yeah.
im reali reali reali sori bout wat i did.
it was partly my fault.
or i cant take ol the blame.
and i noe its not gona make anitink orite.
bt at least i tried to.
im not here to make new enemies.
hold evitink against me.
bt i'll let it go.

~reaching as i sink down into light

a'an

2008-03-18T22:41:00.005+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee.
yeah.
i never fail to make anyone feel bad in one day.
thnx to me.
yeay~!
& i dun even noe anything bout anyone anymore.

a simple question to prove it ol.

& wat was i to say bout it?
everythings different now.

nothing's shared,

with things left unexplained,
nothing will ever change.

~i tried so hard to understand and yet. . .

a'an

;do i deserve to be alive?

2008-03-14T23:46:00.004+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee. . .
yeay~!
wif exams finally over,
i tot i culd reali enjoy and do stuffs i love doin the most.
had it ol planned out.
such as jamming, designing, enjoy life fer the meanwhile.
bt i was seriously wrong.
i find myself too tired to even do any of these stuffs.
tot of making song.
bt still no inspiration and i cant find time to do so.
i behave like a depressed kid today.
showing my attitude wen i cant get things done.
juz wth?
and wats wrong wif ppl ard me?
including parents.
we juz need their cooperation.
wow.
soo much fer evitink.
i cant get anitink right.
plus,
had to cancel plans goin bowling tml.
nvm.
its onli fer a short term.
im juz gona disappear after ol of this is done.
no traces of me will be left.
ohya.
sumtink did cheer me up today.
at least sumtink.
ok dats ol fer today.
much sleep is needed.

~Just a moment away from becoming unclear.

a'an

;oh,
and i luv it.

2008-03-10T23:50:00.004+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee..
well2.
im seriously lost hope in evitink.
D-com exams was killing me juz now.
i juz feel as though i did badly.
darn it.
and yeah.
i tink i juz broke my promise.
gotta wait till results.
and see where it goes.
i juz hope i dun.
bt still i got my it-ess exams to finish up b4 holi's.
um.
holiday. .
i reali gonna need them.
need a break from ol this.
ohya.
np this morning.
went to smbss for nthg.
soo much for cumin.
thnx to ol those hu dont.
nvm i understand.
better commitments than juz wat we need.
cadets present were 7/21.
lost hope oreadi.
bt still i wun gif up in believing they can.
am i lying to myself?
yeah,
seniors.
where were u guys wen we need help?
imagine like onli how many were there many handling 21 cadets wif no discpline.
and yes u dunno the steps,
bt learning and teaching wun make u die rite?
or even takin care.
now more accidents are happening recently.
and y?
bcoz we're lack of manpower.
we cant split ourselves juz to take care or teach ol of them.
and pls.
if ur tink ur wasting ur time coming to training,
and complaing abt evitnk,
i recommend u not to come.
cmon la.
i oreadi lost my daily life doin this and trying to understand other ppl,
while they are enjoyin themselves wif their own activities.
if ur not sincere in doin aniting, do leave.
frm now on,
want come pls do.
dun wan stay at home and rot.
easy as a, b, c.
plus,
never blame the fancy squad are slow.
the blame shud instead be on us,
seniors.
juz wat the hell are we doin sia?
aren't we suppose to make them learn fast?
are we doin our job?
cant olwaes leave it ol to both of us rite.
we'll die squeezing our brains out.
we need HELP.
got that?
darn it.
and y am i blogging this down.
hu cares bout wat happen.
hush~

~in just a moment of awareness, i culd easily slip away.

a'an

p.s : if any of u were to feel guilty bout wat i said, reflect and think first b4 u act.

2008-03-02T23:33:00.000+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee.
whee~
guez i wasted my sunday.
hahs.
organized a npcc fancy outing,
wanted to watch COG/military police perform.
bt in the end onli some replied.
and they ol were no's.
the rest were m.i.a.
tot of not goin,
bt last min in the morning got msg frm amin.
so decided to go.
we met at plaza singapura.
so while killing time,
we (amin, aisyah, jia kai, dear) waited outside PS.
met up wif rufisha abit later
it was raining.
i got the feeling its gonna b canceled so we decided to check it out.
saw the policemen putting up chains.
so we assume it will still go on.
waited outside istana in the rain.
jk and amin doin stupid/funny stuffs in the rain.
saw this guy in blue.
and guez wat it was khai.
was shock tht he wuld be there.
hahs.
finally heard the band.
the whole thing was juz getting started.
the new guards march in straight into the istana.
we find it quite awkward though.
juz den we got to noe the whole parade was fast-forwarded.
the old guards and the band march out of there.
we were so blur.
den came the policeman.
and he said 'thats all.no more'.
heartbreak sia.
didnt get to watch the MP perform.
sheesh.
so. . .
fisha met up wif her parents go eat,
khai wanted go walk2 wif her' at city hall.
we followed amin to arcade at PS.
whee.
after tht we went to CT hall.
planning to mit up wif khai.
bt. . .
amin want go eat.
me and dearie went walk2 while they're eating.
yum2.
vanilla ice-cream~
finally got to resolve evitink.
went on our way back to mit amin and the rest.
saw khai on his way to esplanade gonna watch gig.
aiyo.
i missed tht too as i cant get home late.
so yeah.
went home after tht.
guez my day was wasted.
bt not a total waste.
hahs.
yeah.
camp cumin soon.
am i excited?
i dunno.
hahs.
we'll c how it goes.

~here i stand lost and all alone.

a'an

2008-02-28T23:13:00.003+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee.
well2.
more and more words are being shove inside my mouth.
while im juz there being quiet.
bt wth?
hahs.
omg.
i was seriously so pissed of today.
and i so called lost my temper.
and did i cried?
hahs.
it started ol calm and peaceful.
suddenly bomb~!
i lost myself.
i guez u'l now how i am wen i lost my temper.
a bit under control juz now bt yeah.
whee~
i felt so numb truout my body.
blood rushin tru my veins fast.
muscles stretch till i got cramps on my legs.
headaches come and go.
and i was told by rid my mouth was bleeding.
gosh.
i didnt even notice wen i was bleeding and wen tears drop from my eyes.
i seriously lost myself.
bt wat can i do.
hahs.
i juz hope fer the best.
well.
i hope. . .

-To All Smb Npcc Fancy Drill Squad-
well i juz hope u guys would reali think tru wat ive said,
i didnt meant to hurt u guys.
bt im juz hopin for the best from each one of u.
to show wat we culd do,
show wat we culd be,
show we are more than wat ppl think we are.
i noe nthg will change much after today's lecture or wat.
i juz hope u guys culd get this done and over with.
dun let other people break u down or demoralize u.
believe in wat u can do.
i reali hope we culd pull this tru together.
lets make things happen rather than letting things happen.
love u guys,
a'an

~great times we had together just fades away into the darkness.

a'an

lesson #803 ; after all this time i'll feel only loneliness.

2008-02-27T21:48:00.004+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee..
okay.
im so pissed of today.
evitink went soo wrong.
campcraft training for competition.
when fancy is ditched aside.
and its a total mess,
not even any progress.
and wat now?
ppl complaining?
if ur not happy, angry, or even hate me.
juz say it out.
yeah,
im a SELFISH BASTARD.
so?
cmon la.
wats the use of showing other people wat u can do outside(which u cant),
when ppl in ur sch dun even acknowledge ur unit?
and so wat if unit got no DISCIPLINE?
what are we now?
bunch or barbarians disgracing ourselves??
where are our NPCC values?
and trainings LONG hours?
ask ur fancy squad.
where are we now?
and how much time we're left with?
do u even noe how heavy me and khai's responsibility to get this thing done and over with?
3 trainings per week is indeed enuf.
bt in ur current state its enuf for u guys to show shits to people.
we didnt even request for trainings to be done on Tuesday F.Y.I.
we didnt mention this things.
so now strez, giving up?
wana quit?
y dun u guys call dis no. 1800-46-266648-7842433.
dun blame me if u guys did.
i've had enuf shits.
and now wat?
think b4 u speak.
we had it ol planned out.
its for u guys to execute.
if u are doing nothing except complaining.
i recommend u to shut ur trap b4 even trying to say any word.
dun make me pass down the heavy responsibilities to u.
if u had these responsibilities,
u'l be the ones growing these white hair rather than me.
i better be off before this bloggie becomes a compo full of words i never meant to say.

~until you see, how could you believe?

a'an

lesson #275 ; everytime i think im gonna change it, its driving me insane.

2008-02-24T22:56:00.003+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee. . .
woo.
felt like i juz got shot right tru the head.
great to noe.
juz lost another cadet off fancy drill.
juz wen we are short of people.
tragedy strikes.
ish.
also ppl got emotionally involved.
gosh.
hope history dont repeat itself.
im reali confuse of wat im suppose to do now.
ppl telling me their probs.
and i still get to keep mine.
i sort things out myself i guez.
woo.
im in need of sum sleep.
nite~
hahs

~my soul is like an empty room,
i cannot see without your eyes,

a'an

lesson #645 ; the darkness for me is the only one savior

2008-02-17T23:37:00.004+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeeee.
updates fer this week.
um...
bzbzbzbz.
valentine-less for valentines day.
npcc fancy squad finally made progress.
manage to complete 29 sec / 10 mins.
progressing isnt it?
hahs.
soo...
body ol aching due to this.
hand a bit swollen.
on the verge losing sumone i guez.
bt its ok fer now la.
still i tink its better to tok it over.
have not been meeting dearie.
and still im the one to be blame fer being bz.
bt wen being asked out got her own reasons.
am i askin too much?
aiz.
i seriously miz tokin to .. . ..
ish.
ohya,
finally able to roll properly on the drums.
practice2~!
omg.
gona be soo bz tis whole week.
tml test.
tuesday ~ friday is npcc fancy training.
i reali hope i can cope wif ol this.
im reali sori if i treat anyone of u badly during this period of time.
im reali tired out.
and i tend to get frustrated bout anitink tht happens ard me.
do tell me off if i did sumtink wrong.
ok la.
gt to study.
where my book~?!
um.

~yet many things are being left unexplained on my part.

a'an.

lesson #690 ; suffocating under the words of sorrow but theres nothing i can do.

2008-02-14T00:48:00.003+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee...
woish.
cant sleep sia.
evibody's makin me annoyed.
darn it.
so f-ing strez out.
test tml.
nt sure if i've studied enuf.
gonna see if this is gonna be another shocking moment.
woo.
im hungry.
need something to eat.
k luhs.

ohya,
~~happy valentines day.~~

~you build me up inside your brittle heart and I just burn down everything.

a'an

lesson #364 ; those awkward moments with you are the ones that i treasure.

2008-02-09T23:17:00.000+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee. . .
so...
went out wif illah, rid & ara.
didnt want to at first.
bt i juz cant say no,
plus dearie not in spore at the moment.
so y not?
im damn bored at home.
hahs.
so reached mrt at 2+pm.
saw illah first.
talk3 while waiting fer the rest.
got to noe rid and ara were waiting downstairs,
while we were at the platform waiting fer them.
ahahs.
so wanted to go as planned by ara.
to botanic gardens.
bt hiccups here and there.
in the end evitink was juz random planning.
we didnt decide properly.
and i juz cant figure out where to go,
sumore wif gerls.
bt atleast we went to eat.
hahs.
den walk a lil bit.
b4 goin hm.
rid was quite in a rush & i guez some of us need to be home early.
so we didnt quite get to hang out fer a lil bit longer.
bt its ok.
my day wasnt totally wasted.
i had my fun.
hehs.
well.
a pic to end it ol.
at least theres one.
nite.
da~

.alone we fade away.

~wen u go down its me who'll bleed.

a'an

.lesson #001 ; how do we get to lesson #002?

2008-02-04T23:14:00.000+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee. . .
ok.
it seems like im not the one in breaking down mood.
many people are almost in the same situation as me.
and i juz cant understand wats goin on.
understanding sumbody isnt tht easy.
its not by helping out wif onli their probs.
theres much more to it.
& i juz cant explain myself.
there was olwaes sumtink wrong about evitink.
wrong move,
wrong choice,
wrong attitude.
the things left untold,
a messed that was not even cleaned up.
its juz like a stain tht is stuck on me.
& evryone is frozen nowadays.
um.
i tink i need to go on hiatus.
well,
sch tml.
test.
i need to pass as i PROMISED sumone.
den off fer np training.
c u guys soon.

~u lost faith in me.

p.s : & im still reading trying to understand.

a'an

.lesson #769 ; Self harm and mutilation cuts deep but the pain feels so right!

2008-02-02T23:24:00.001+08:00

hello eeeEEEeee.
ok.
im soo tired.
and severly sick dat is.
omg.
ntg ever stops.
new stuffs keep comin in.
and i cant seem to push anitink away.
still alot i gotta do.
and we're goin nowhere,
and no ones listening.
wat am i suppose to do?
im missing those ol times.
and its ol dat i can think off.
wats the worst tht i culd say?
its ol i had back den.
& suddenly i lost them in juz a moment.
i can think no futher.
i need rest i tink.
eyes are watering and my nose are running.

~gift fer my valentine?

.lesson #564 ; its ol up to me.

2008-01-31T23:18:00.000+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee.
currently i'm at the worst point of my life.
wahh.
ive been so bz till i haf no time for myself.
it have olwaes been about others.
i cant think straight.
sampai senget~!
omg.
i need my inspiration back.
indeed im losing control of myself.
& people ard me giving up,
cheating,
poisoning their own minds.
cmon la.
depend on urself.
dont cheat in test la.
truly disappointed
gosh.
& people aren't helping.
theres juz too many things to think off.
lost touch with b-b,
designs,
npcc fancy drill.
im reali on the verge of breaking down,
and no ones there to pick me anymore.
ive said wat ive said.
& it'll make no difference.

~All of my memories
Keep you near
In silent moments
Imagine you'd be here
All of my memories
Keep you near
The silent whispers, silent tears.

.if i don't make it, someone else will stand my ground.

a'an

.lesson #752 ; nothings ever changed, you still turn away

2008-01-28T22:45:00.000+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee. . .
arrgh~!
finished the aym multiply page template.
now im stuck wif designs.
cant seem to think of anything.
no inspiration.
um. .
still got alot.
i need to design 2.
bt the overall design for 1 whole page is about 3 design.
n i haf no idea of wat to do.
arrgh~
um.
nvm.
i'll tink of sumtink sooner or later.
gosh.
a sudden topic was out juz now.
flashback~!
and wth am i still doin there?
do i belong?
is it reali over?
and now it sets me thinkin.
aiz.
i reali need a break.
im off.

~the sweetest thought I had it all

a'an

.lesson #439 ; u'll never understand anyone except urself even if u tried understanding others.

2008-01-25T23:16:00.000+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee~
woah.
ive been so bz for the past weeks till i 4got wat i wanted to blog about.
hahs.
& i cant seem to remember them now.
ouhk.
im still bz.
juz taking the time off my bz day to keep u guys update.
so. .
completed 5a2'2 shirt design.
& im left with,
2 designs for AYM's multiply page.
hard seyy.
bt im coping.
posters to be completed.
bt i still havent get the resources.
so nthg much to worry about.
smbss speech day fancy drill performance.
need to think alot sia~
sch assignment.
itEss assignment.
not done.
date due monday.
aiyo.
my sis class tee.
still not done.
lazy.
and alot more.
ohya.
yesterdays O' levels results~
she passed.
hahs.
finally another load is off.
i need not worry so much.
nw helping her to choose out the course she want.
another load is on.
ow~
& congrats to those who make it.
to those whu dont.
i understand.
so dun give up yeah.
hahs.
ite isnt so bad like how i imagine it to be.
so. .
a couple of funny things happened in sch.
hahs~!
here's one.
actuali there was a bet goin on between acap & ilyas.
abt getting hp no. frm the person of their choice.
hahs.
ilyas actuali did ask for her' no. personally,
when we tot he culdnt do it.
he was totaly different la seyy.
hahs.
finally it proves tht theres a soft spot for a violent/harsh person like him.
the bet is still on.
and we gonna see the outcome of this.
whee~
ok.
enuf said.
i got much more impt stuff to attend to now.
so long and goodnite~

~when lies turn into truth I sacrificed for you.

a'an

.lesson #156 ; you are your worst enemy.

2008-01-16T22:37:00.000+08:00

hello eeeEEEeee~.
juz got back frm montreal green park.
finally open bebehs~!
rite infront of my house.
woo~.
went exploring wif ariff, alfian, aizat, aidil, danial.
brought our guitars along.
& we jamm there.
hahs.
fun la seyy.
and people passing by were lookin at us singing.
aizat & danial had to leave early.
so left wif the four of us.
played at the playground.
they did silly stuffs.
hahs.
den we went ard siting on the boat & playing wif the stuffs.
many funny things happen.
was reali3 fun.
lookin forward to more of it.
whee.
ook.
dats ol 4 today.
off i go~

~and you give and you take and you learn from mistakes

a'an

.lesson #511 ; never ever teach sumone wat ur good at, as they'll use it to throw u down.

2008-01-13T22:21:00.000+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee.
woo!
yesterday was awesome~!
unreciprocated love's took part in our first comp.
'undiscovered' was the name of the comp.
my heart was racing like hell.
bt it ol change when i got onto those drums.
though we didnt win,
we did our best.
songs we played were,
my heroine (1st song) made famous by silverstein,
& tears don't fall (acoustic) (2nd song) by bullet for my valentine.
woo~
there were sum hiccups during performin.
i drop my sticks and i suck on the 2nd song!
many things happen.
i made the low tom drop.
cuz i played to hard.
the bass drum shifted too far from me.
and the tom ended up getting under my crash cymbal.
and it cause me to choke on my cymbals evitime i roll.
& the judges comment on me was 'i culd see u destroying the drums'
+ he told me to watch my tempo n rhythm.
hahs.
darn it.
bt nvm.
it was reali fun & memorable~!
now i noe how it feels to perform in a real crowd.
hahs.
im addicted to performin live!
hahs.
nvm.
we'll be back soon.
maybe wif our own songs.
ok.
pics time.
enjoy~!

.unreciprocated love wild side

.sumtinks wrong wif the pic

.U.L with that fans' of ours

.U.L feat 1989 (winners of 'Undiscovered' 2008)

& to all U.L fans',
those who did or didnt make it to the competition.
thnx on behalf on Unreciprocated Love'.
u guys were reali a great bunch of people.
whu support us tru thick and thin.
thnx fer believing in us.
and olso taking ur time to come and support us.
i love u ol luhs!
thnx again.
love,
a'an

& to my beloved band,
thnks.
for all the times we had together.
finally we got to perform.
though it was not near perfect.
i reali njoyed myself yesterday.
its been a pleasure performing wif u guys.
we can still improve & aspire.
all for one & one for all.
wif love,
a'an

~searching the heart for a better disguise.

a'an

.lesson #405 ; remember to take off the price tag of the gift ur giving to a girl.
=]

2008-01-12T14:32:00.000+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee.
whoish.
i've been soo bz this week.
and so many things happen.
frm fancy drill training > jamming session > messed up me.
hahs.
bcoz of it im olwaes home late.
and ive made my mum angry quite a few times.
hehs.
so. . .
finally,
2 heavy loads in my heads can be let off.
cca open house junior performance was done.
they were perfect.
it was a waste we seniors didnt get to perform.
bt its ok.
theres olwaes a nex year.
cca open house was not as fun as last year.
bt it was enuf to make me smile.
being together wif old frens.
i reali wish we culd have those moments again.
whee.
and yeah.
i finally passed of the gift tht ive been holding for like so long.
haha!
after a lot of chance wasted.
hope u'l like it yeah?
do u?
im begining to get worried bout it.
hahs.
okok.
wif dat done i still gt like hundreds or thousand of things to think about.
and today is our competition.
reali hope we culd pull it of.
i believe i can.
no matter wat happen i juz wana haf fun.
hehe.
okok.
i gtg now.
tc.
uploading pics.
still dun haf the others.
so yeah. .
da~

.which camera are we lookin at?

.seniors pic is a must~!

.best buddies again?

~Life is the secret that's sitting right in front of you.

a'an

2008-01-06T23:05:00.000+08:00

Hello eeEEEee. . .
okie.
so.
today went see movie with Rid & Jia Kai.
AVP2.
hahs.
got some disturbing scenes.
bt it was fun.
after tht went to car park.
eat left over popcorn.
u will never no wat we did.
hahs.
& i wont tell.
okok.
so after tht went back home wif rid..
after maghrib prayers went out for practice session.
it was an acoustic session.
hahs.
no drums fer me again.
no new drumsticks.
totally under pressure.
gosh.
im afraid tht i might just cock up due to lack of practice.
ishk.
bt i'll try to catch up olrite.
well.
chk out the vid below.
we did an instrumental as our vocalist wasnt there.
so. . .
if ur dumb enuf,
do find me.
so yeah.
enjoy.

~I don't get along with me nor anyone.

a'an U.L

-B

2008-01-04T01:02:00.000+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee.
okie.
updates.
Unreciprocated Love will be competing in a competition.
song oreadi decided.
so we will play,
my heroine,the kill & tears don't fall(almost acoustic UL cover).
do come and support us okay.
hmm.
things were as per normal today.
scaring myself in broad daylight playing silent hill on my psp.
bored most of the time.
hahs.
& i have a swollen finger,
caused by jamming session yesterday.
cant find wat causes it to be swollen.
hahs.
i reali need a new drumstick.
gosh.
gonna cost $$ again.
hahs.
okok.
i guez dats wat i haf to say.
so long.

~remember the time we met,u thought dat we were the same,

a'an

2008-01-03T01:09:00.000+08:00

Hello eeeEEEeee.
ok.
listen up!
ive changed the blog song~!
whee~.
stay & listen k?
in case u guys are wondering wich band dis is.
well let me tell u.
hahs.
they are one of singapore local talents.
most of u guys here noe hu they are.
known as Last Day Out.
reali an awesome band.
shud check them out live.
they are more awesome~!
well tis is one of their own songs.
& i love it.
the song very touching.
well if u want to noe more bout them.
do check out their myspace account.
http://myspace.com/lastdayoutonline
they haf a couple of nice songs there.
ook.
now bout me.
hahs.
well i did a random design.
after clearing off those unwanted brushes.
not the best,
bt i'll just post it up.
enjoy~

.oneSidedLove

~If home is where the heart is then my home is where you are.

a'an

2008-01-01T00:35:00.000+08:00

Hello eeEEEee. . .
& happy new year~!
okok.
i still dun quite have a new year resolution.
hahs.
it makes no difference though.
newsflash~!
NP getting worst.
C.I's are like shit.
NEGLECTING their JUNIOR cadets on their own,
when they dun even noe anything.
+ asking them to prove that they can finish off preparation for cca open house,
w/o the help of their seniors.
its reali great how C.I are treating their cadets.
where's their RESPONSIBILITY now?
fancy telling us about discipline & responsibility.
next. . .
unreciprocated love joining a band competition?
we'll juz see how it goes.
ohya.
anybody got credit-card?
dun wori i'll pay u back!
i wana buy limited echelon edition 30 seconds to mars wristband.
available no where in s'pore.
nvm.
i'll just wait till them come to perform in s'pore.
um. . .

anyone who can help me to get tht i'll love u for infinity and beyond!

whee!
i need to get going.
band meeting.
ook.
off i go. . .

~whats with the fascination with the echelon?

echelon love,

a'an

2007-12-27T23:06:00.000+08:00

Hello eeEEEeee. .
ook.
so i said i'll upload the pics.
so here it goes.
njoy~!

.i look so retarded

.giant architects at work

.overview of sand castle

.a tower for rapunzel

.back overview of sandcastle

.wat we call mini-village

.close-up on main castle

.& we were there

whee~!
wat u guys saw was juz part of it.
must see to believe how big was the sandcastle.
well.
dats ol la k?
update soon.
da~.

~it was long enough to know that it was him,that took my place.

a'an